How To Love✓

36.

(To those who have already read the book and are re-reading, as you may notice that the plot has been changed/altered a bit, it's because I want to make this book as unique and authentic as possible. I want to bring a mature opinion on what I previously wrote and hope that it's even better than before.

Much love from your writer. Hope that you're enjoying! ♡)

Amara

"Amara!" he shouts behind me, but I ignore his callous calls.

"Amara, slow down!" he grips my upper arm in attempt to stop me but I pull away, my hand nearly slapping him across the face. "It's not what it looks like, just please listen to me," he begs.

"Listen to you?? How dare you?! How dare you ask me to come here, do this in front of my face and have the audacity to tell me to listen to you?" I scoff, wiping away the fresh tears.

"Please, just stop and listen to me," hesays lowly, pulling me to a stop.

I whip my body around and glare harshly at him. His breathing became jagged, not expecting me to move so quickly.

"Just hear me out. Firstly, I never asked you to come here. Sylvia texted me and told me that you left early to visit your family today so I figured you wouldn't even get back the same day. To let off some steam, I decided to go to the gym with some buds. Next thing I knew, Lina shows up and started flirting with me, but I flicked her off. I didn't even have a clue that she took my phone and sent you that message. All of a sudden she left, but I didn't think too much of it. I was walking back to my dorm when she whistled to me from the courtyard and told me to join her as she wanted to talk. So we talked, that was it. She kept trying to make a move on me but I kept pushing her away. Until you must've heard the last part of our conversation and saw when she pulled me in for a kiss, basically controlling me. I didn't know that was her intentions Amara, please believe me, please. I never wanted to hurt you," he pleads, a single tear squeezing out his wild eyes, waiting for me to respond.

A part of me wanted to believe him but another part of me felt like a fool for even trying to see change in someone and work with that, for even trying to help someone when their intentions with me were impure. I was on a whole other level of hurt.

I didn't know how to react. Inside I felt a mixture of pain and sickness and I wasn't sure if it was the lack of medication in my system or the fact that Lucien messed up.

"Well you did, and it really hurts. I gave up so much for you Lucien. I gave up all the bad things people said about you, all the warning signs to stay clear from you. Hell, I can't even remember the last time I took my meds because you, YOU were my antidote Lucien. You were the one thing that made me feel like I could breathe, like I could soar on top of the world without fear. I felt like I didn't need to rely on some stupid pill or some stupid can of oxygen to make me feel alive, when I have you? And this is what you do to me?" My voice became so brittle that I felt like I was about to go hoarse.

"Amara I love you," he says suddenly, taking a step closer to me but I stepped back to widen the gap between us.

"No, you know what you love? You LOVE making me feel like I was worth it to you. You LOVE making me feel like I'm some kind of charity case. You LOVE feeling sorry for me so you can tell all your friends how pathetic I am. Was it that all along Lucien? Huh? ANSWER ME!!"

When he didn't answer, I laugh sadistically.

"Is that why we're together? If we're even together because I don't recall you asking me to be your girlfriend. Or maybe you didn't want to because you thought I'd make you look pathetic."

He looked at me in dismay. "Now Amara let's not assum-"

I cut him off completely, fuming with rage. "You figured you'd toy with me...until someone better came along and I wouldn't mind because I was lucky that you wanted me."

"Princess please, you have to believe me. Lina and I, that was the past. That was before..." he trails off.

"Before what? Before you snapped your fingers and make everything disappear?" I say, imitating the snapping motion.

"Before everything you gave to me. Before you," he says, his voice quivering.

I took a step forward to him this time. " Well, you know what really sucks about falling for a guy you know that isn't right for you? You fall anyway because you think he might turn out to be different."

I left him behind and ran past the guard at the front gate who was also bawling after me. Adrenaline coursed through my veins. A thin layer of sweat covered my forehead and I felt my entire body getting drenched in it. I ran into the road with no intention of going anywhere, just wanting to get as far away as I possibly could from Lucien, from the world, from it all.

"Amara. Amara. Amara, wait. Amara! Please get out of the road!" I could heard him braying after me, trying to catch up to me, but I quickened my pace until steps became leaps, keeping my breathing steady and pushed harder and faster as my lungs could take me.

I didn't even know where I was going. A few cars passing me blared their horns as I dashed across them. I tried drowning the noises out, I didn't care. My calves burned and my breaths formed clouds in the air around me.

After several thrusts forward, thinking that I was a good distance away from the school with no sign of anyone following me, I stopped in my tracks and bent over to catch my breath. My gut was wrenching, my heart was pumping uncontrollably, my legs became tired and my breathing came in short gasps.

My eyes squeeze tightly shut with fear of falling to the ground, but when my body gave out on me, I collapsed, clenching my chest. I started cramping and my body shook uncontrollably. Tears welled up in my eyes as I struggled for oxygen.

I laid on my back and stared at the sky, thinking that this was it. That my life was about to end.

The sad part of it all was that it was about to end on such a bad note.

The last thing I heard was the echo of voices shouting my name in the distance.

Everything was all a blur. I let the darkness cover me, remembering nothing.

***

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