How To Love✓

38.

Lucien

I woke up to the pungent smell of hospital disinfect invading my nostrils. It must've been 12 or 2 in the afternoon and I didn't even register properly that I slept for so long. I had been here for so long that it was hard to tell and when I looked back through the hours, they seem to have blended into one like split paint on a marble floor. I sit up from laying down on 4 chairs in the waiting room and stretch my body so that it wouldn't cramp or ache. I was hungry and even though the doctor I spoke to before insisted I take a look at the canteen here, I couldn't think about anything other than Amara. I couldn't eat, just need to make sure that... she was okay.

But now I realise that if I don't eat my body will give out and then I'll also end up on a bed here. Looking around for the canteen, I notice a few people about. It didn't seem busy as before. A couple nurses, hair tied back with bloodshot eyes as a result of tiredness and troublesome patients.

I stopped one of them who past by me and ask for some assistance to locate the canteen.

"Just past those corridors and take your first left," she points and I nod, thanking her quietly. I follow her directions and turn the corner following the sign which said 'Snack-In and Restrooms'. As I wait my turn in line to order a coffee and a bag of pretzel sticks, I became lost in thought, trying to distract myself from getting emotional. I will be honest, hospitals and I don't do business together. I have never been in one, well aside from the fact that I was born in a hospital but other than that, no checkups, no vaccines, no nothing.

I never understood the line systems hospitals use either. Red, yellow, green, flowing down the corridors like mountain streams. I guess they were indicators to lead patients and visitors to their desired destination. I prefer to wander. Gives you the opportunity to explore and use your decision-making skills.

"Hey look, it's Lucien!" an all-too-recognisable voice sounds from behind me. I spin around and stare at the person behind the voice, behind accompanied by two other personnel.

"Oh my goodness Lucien!" Amara's mom, I believe Hera is her name, embraces me in a tight hug and squeezes me, nearly suffocating me. I lightly tap her back as an indicator that I couldn't breathe. She quickly apologises and pull away, but never let go of my shoulders. Her eyes were tired and bloodshot as well. I could see the tears had stained her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out, truly meaning it. She shakes her head and hugs me again, this time a bit lighter than before.

"It's not your fault. It was bound to happen at some point, I just wasn't sure how soon," she says in a low voice, her voice cracking.

"She's not dead if that's what you're wondering," I comment, glancing over to Luke and Amara's friend who were now standing next to us.

"I know and I'm grateful. But a few years back, her doctor back in Michigan predicted that this would happen. We tried so hard to get Amara to train her body from young, t-t-to get her immune to regular treatments and medication, just so she would be ready to confront this. I really wish this wasn't her faith," she sobs, leaning into my chest. I pat her back in comfort, hoping that she knew I felt her pain in some way.

"We're also sorry for misunderstanding you, especially me. I'm Cotton by the way, don't know if you remember me," Amara's friend speaks up, shooting me a small smile.

"I know who you are, just couldn't remember your name," I say, giving a quiet laugh. He also laughs.

"Yeah it's an easy name everyone forgets haha. But really, Amara has said nothing but wonderful things about you and there we stood in front of her, doubting every word. Now with proof, we know that you really care about her. On behalf of all of us and those who care for her at home, thank you for always being there for her."