↬ my moon ↫ WOOCHAN

╰☆☆ Oᖴ ᗰOOᑎᒪIGᕼT ᗩᑎᗪ ᗪᗩᖇKᑎEᔕᔕ ☆☆╮

maybe there was a light too bright to reflect,
like the boy with the blinding smile.

chan wouldn't think about that now,
it hurt too much.

*☆*――*☆*――*☆*――*☆*――*☆*――*☆*――*☆*――*☆*

chan had never felt more conflicted in his life than he was now.

he had once prided himself on being empathic and able to feel other's feelings.

not once had he stopped to think that that may disrupt his own emotional proportion.

and, as if to make up for lost time, as if thinking about it now could repair him, he sat and speculated. he didn't so much as glance at the time for over 4 hours, at which point it was too late to sleep. chan stumbled into the kitchen and poured himself a hot drink, before glancing down at his phone screen.

the glare attacked his vision and he hissed slowly, much like a deflating ball, as he turned the brightness down.

he had over 70 notifications from the group chat 'stray kids' and a grand total of 4 from his 3racha chat (changbin often got to the point faster than the majority of his friends, and surprisingly, jisung can be very serious and straightforward when he needs to be).

another 5 texts from felix came through and chan sighed, looking at the three texts sent purely to correct his less than average korean from the first message.

there was a singular direct message from jeongin, explaining that they had decided to add seungmin's cousin (chan remembered the glowing boy from the day before and his neutral expression dropped into one of fear) to the big group chat, hence the commotion caused to his notification centre. he also apologised for the fact that his phone's chimes must have woken chan up from his sleep and wished him a good night of restful slumber.

chan smiled at his phone as a strong wave of fondness flooded his body.

he continued to look and reread the text until it was blurred. as a glare disturbed his pale face, he became aware of the salt tears streaking down his skin.

he brushed them off and thought of them as nothing more than an overreaction of his sleep deprived body.

it was at this moment that something deep inside of him snapped. as his tears continued to obscure the loving message from his maknae, his emotions continued to obscure his thoughts.

it was at this moment that he gave up. he hadn't had the chance to even talk to woojin, but he knew that the elder was better in every way. kim woojin has bested him in every manner, but was still so unbearably perfect that chan couldn't blame him for it.

and so, he did all he knew how to. he pushed the blame onto himself.

he sat down and tried to organise his thoughts, most likely to just convert them into lyrics later on in the day.

he watched the moon and the way it seemed to be so close, when in reality, he could never get close enough.

he watched the moon and found himself reaching out to it, noticing how it reflected his situation. he had always wanted a family. a group of people to love and be loved by unconditionally. in his attempts to find one, he had shattered. loving too much could break someone.