↬ my moon ↫ WOOCHAN

╰☆☆ Oᖴ ᖇOᑌTIᑎEᔕ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴᖇIEᑎᗪᔕᕼIᑭᔕ ☆☆╮

chan was not okay but he was content with that.
who wouldn't be?

*☆*――*☆*――*☆*――*☆*――*☆*――*☆*――*☆*――*☆*

chan was tired. chan was tired of his routine, but chan was scared. he was scared to change it. and so he let his routine continue, never once thinking about how maybe a slight twink of his plans could ease the pressure behind his eyes and the dull, numbing ache in his chest.

chan was awake. chan was awake enough to feel the emotions of the people around him, but never his. he felt enough to long for sleep and despair at the fact that he could not seem to shut his mind off for more than a couple hours a night.

but as he walked through the double doors to the classroom, chan was content. chan was content enough to ignore that the pools under his eyes were nearly as dark as his thoughts. he was content enough to spend the rest of the day with the people he loved, acting like the little ray of moonlight that he was.

inhale

exhale

it was time to begin his act.

with a smile firmly pasted to his face, the pale boy opened the door, only to be greeted by absolute chaos. the chairs were everywhere and their chinese teacher was b-boying on a table. chan went to stand behind his classmate dowoon before greeting his friendship group.

"what's mr. xu doing?" he murmured, confusion disrupting his features.

"your dumbass friend minho wanted a dance battle. he's losing." dowoon responded without sparing chan so much as a glance.

chan sighed. he was disappointed, yes, but not surprised. this had happened before with their geography teacher, mr. kwon.

he parted ways with dowoon and slowly made his way to his friendship group, where minho was silently fuming, with jisung's arms wrapped around his shoulders.
chan had never understood how they could show affection so easily. he, himself, found it hard to even tell his friends that he appreciated them. he brushed his pale hair away from his face as he pulled himself together and slumped over to changbin.

changbin greeted him with a small nod before filling him in on what was expected to happen:
"minho's going to realise he's losing soon and give up. apparently there's this new kid but seungmin already knows him. he's in your year but in our form."

chan nodded but his mind was elsewhere. no one here seemed very interested in much other than the dance battle continuing in front of them and so chan turned his attention to that.

their teacher, now done with his display, had strutted to behind his desk, where he sat and sipped his starbucks in silence, staring stonily at minho all the while.

"i can basically see him preening his feathers." the younger growled slowly until his boyfriend pecked the top of his head, at which he perked up noticeably.

this was what chan adored. this is what made it all worth it.

the obvious affection the two boys had for each other; the rose dust forever gracing felix's cheeks when he's around changbin; the shy glances seungmin shot hyunjin when he thought no one was watching.

seungmin was wrong. forever wrong. chan would always be watching. call him creepy, but he adored the way these boys could be so happy, so open, so affectionate.

he wondered at their love and wondered even more at how there was any left to spare. if they all loved each other this much, how could they possibly love him?

this is where chan was wrong. forever wrong. for every touch jisung gave minho, there was a hug waiting for chan; for every blush overtaking felix's cheeks for changbin, there was a sparkle in his eyes saved for chan; for every embarrassed glance seungmin shot hyunjin, there was a comforted look reserved for chan.

yes, that had to be where chan went wrong. he was too busy watching the way other people where treated, he never managed to realise just how much they love him.

chan was a creature of habit and found no flaw in his routines or friendships.

he was content with his galaxy, his night sky.

surrounded by stars, the moon doesn't notice quite how dark it is. surrounded by stars, the moon doesn't notice quite how lonely it is. surrounded by stars, the moon doesn't notice quite how empty it is.

strung up in its own quiet world, the moon doesn't realise how emotionless it is.

that is, until the sun walks in.

🌑