Daft || Malum

Bedtime Comedy

A/N: Have I ever gone into extreme detail about how must I strongly dislike internet explorer? Because I really don't like it. And guess what? This chapter is brought to you by internet explorer, so if it updates by christmas then Merry Effing Christmas. Anyway, continue!

"Can ya not?" I snap, punching Calum in the arm to try and get him to stop tickling me.

I was about to make an extremely insulting remark about his dick--even though its the opposite--when a mass of people charged into our small hotel room, engulfing me in hugs and kisses.

I paniced for a second, thinking it was a crowd of grandmothers. Turned out to be the SOS mums, lucky for me.

"My baby!" One of them cried out, pulling me into a hug.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that's Ashton, not me." I laugh, hugging her back and moving on to the other mums. "Speaking of Ashton where is he?" I ask, looking over at Calum above our mum's heads.

"I'll go get them." Calum exclaimed quickly to avoid the overload of affection he was about to receive from the mums. Good thing too, because I wasn't about to go look for them. They've been having sex every chance they get. Its probably a good thing that our mums charged into this room first.

As if on cue by Calum closing our hotel room door, all the females sit down. Feeling slightly left out and awkward I took a seat on the window's ledge.

"Michael."

"Mum."

"Michael."

"Joyce."

"Michael."

"Liz."

"Michael."

I pause, thinking hard. "Ashton's mum."

Nope, still can't remember her name.

Its been like two years you idiot.

No one asked you, freaking tool.

I know you are, but what am I?

Resorting to third grade comebacks, classy Michael, real classy.

"Tell us everything." The painfully serious atmosphere shattered as the room dissolved into giggles. They literally sound like teenage girls making eye contact with their crush for the first time.

The only thing going through my mind is, so this is how it ends huh?

"Um, what?" I ask, eyebrows furrowed. I'm not really in tune with girl slang, I may be gay but it doesn't mean I have any connection to that alien gender.

"You and Calum! Tell us all about you two!" Ashton's mum chirps excitedly from her spot next to Joyce on one of the two beds in the room. Calum insisted on getting two even after I told him we could cuddle all day, what's gotten into him lately?

"What about Cal and I?" I ask, desperately staring at the door for Calum to come back and save me.

"He's not coming back." Liz said, noticing my intense glare directed to the door. "Luke and Ashton are keeping him distracted.

Where did that come from? It sounds like it should be in some horror movie.

"Okay fine." I huff, combing a hand through my hair roughly as I avoid their hungry gazes. "We're not dating."

"What?" Joyce shouts, eyes going wide.

"He hasn't even asked me out. I don't know, I want it to be official, I guess?" I don't even understand what I'm saying but it seems to make sense to them.