Kayla: Welcome to the fun facts segment of this story! Please welcome my special guests-they aren't that special because they were consistent throughout the entire book, but they payed me to say that, 5 Seconds of Summer!
Michael: it's nice to be here.
Luke: I came for the facts.
Ashton: *trips walking into the room*
Calum: *gets distracted by the author's dog*
Kayla: Guys, *snaps fingers* pay attention. Let's get onto the fun facts!
Kayla: Okay, this first fact is completely useless but this is the 40th part to this story and it's also the last!
5SOS: *cheers and slaps each other on the back*
Michael: Wow, that is way too long, you need to get a life.
Kayla: I WROTE YOU INTO THIS STORY AND I CAN WRITE YOU OUT.
Michael: YOU WROTE MALUM OUT. YOU KILLED MINE AND CALUM'S RELATIONSHIP.
Kayla: *nods* Fair enough.
Luke: *tells joke about penguins to clear the tension in the room*
Ashton: *groans and rolls eyes* I've heard that one.
Kayla: Okay, the next few are from EveTheOhSoAverage, thanks by the way to everyone that supplied fun facts. The first fun fact: the guy that voiced Bugs Bunny was actually allergic to carrots.
5SOS: *cricket noises*
Kayla: ..... I thought it was interesting. On to the next one, did you know that the reason banana candies don't taste like bananas is because the flavour is based off another species of bananas that went extinct?
Luke: *shouts comically* That's bananas!
Michael: *can't help but chuckle, high five Luke over Calum's head*
Calum: *shakes head* I already have to deal with Michael's jokes, please stop.
Michael: *pulls Calum into a bear hug* You love me.
Kayla: The final fun fact provided by EveTheOhSoAverage (she commented some other facts about rabies but I don't think cuddly malum will like them that much) is about cats.
Calum: *smushes Michael's face* we're about to learn facts about you!
Michael: *refuses Calum's affection with a pout* fuck off.
Kayla: stfu Michael, you're totally Calum's kitten. *smirks*
Michael: *glares*
Kayla: anyway, here are some cat facts. The first fun cat fact is a cat has a better chance of living a 10 story drop than a 7 story drop. The reason being it takes 7 stories for the cat to realize it's falling and right itself.
Ashton: *looks past Luke and Calum to Michael* feel like taking a leap of faith?
Michael: *scoffs* I'll throw you out a 10th story window, weenie.
Luke: *sits on the floor and pets author's dog*
Kayla: So the rest of the cat facts are provided by samisaninja. In Ancient Egypt, cats were considered gods and were worshipped by all. The penalty for killing a cat was ultimately death.
Michael: *leaps up and kicks over his chair* YAAS BOW DOWN BITCHEEEEES!
Ashton: *looks really unimpressed with Michael's behaviour*
Kayla: *raises eyebrows at Ashton* Don't look at him like that, you broke up with Luke because you had a crush on Michael in the story.
Ashton: *grumbles under his breath*
Kayla: ANNNYWAY, the last cat fact is a Pope declared that cats were demonic, which caused this whole mass killing of cats-supposedly to prevent witchcraft and such. But this drastic drop in the cat population caused the rat population to spike and people say that's probably what caused the plague.
Luke: That seems really legit. *goes back to playing with the dog*
Calum: *sticks middle finger up right next to Luke's face* stop hogging the dog, asshole. *removes dog from Luke's lap and cuddles it*
Michael: *cuddles Calum's arm*
Luke: *pouts*
Michael: Shut up Luke.
Kayla: Winter on Uranus lasts twenty one years.
Michael: *looks up at Calum* 'cause that ass is chill.
Kayla: *swats at Michael with her cue cards* I already made that joke in my book asshole, which was smooth as fuck, might I add.
Michael: *narrows eyes at the author*
Calum: *is bitten by author's dog, quickly puts the puppy down* Michael kiss it better.
Michael: *groans really loudly* Anything for you, baby.
Everyone Else: *awes at the cute couple*
Kayla: And that's the end of this skit, and this book. Hope you ha-
Luke: That was like five facts, what kind of skit is that? Where are the penguin facts? You promised me penguin facts!
Kayla: -had a pleasant time reading this story, although a lot of you did not expect the ending.... I planned it like that *evil laughter* Regardless, this is the ending to the first fanfic I uploaded on wattpad. Even though Strangers finished far before Daft, I think this was a fun book to write.
Luke: *is close to tears* Will someone please just tell me some facts about penguins, please.
Kayla: Thanks for reading fun facts with 5SOS even though there were very few thanks to *directs a pointed look at malum* some people. Yeah, goodbye and goodnight.
<END>
YOU ARE READING
Daft || Malum
Fanfiction"Don't be daft, Michael," Ashton laughs. "Calum's straight." ⓒ Cover by quantum-fags
