The star's sister

48

"I don't want to see you anymore. You had your chance. Gosh, I can't even look at you right now! Look at who you've become! I thought you love me! But I guess I was wrong after all. I guess... I guess you only love yourself." 

I took another deep breath. 

Aaand... 

Scene.

Just kidding... nobody says shit like that anymore...

"Came on baby, you've practiced on it for the eleventh time today! I call for a break." Sofie says. She grabs a hold of my waist before I have time to protest and drags me over to her lap, taking the script out of my hands and throwing it wherever. 

Before i knew a terrifying sob pushed out of my body and I allowed myself to collapse into her. Her body tensed up and she pushed my hair out of my face to watch my tears slide down my cheeks with shock. "No-no, baby, why are you crying?" She whispers. 

"I- I...I..." I struggle to breath as she holds me. 

"I just want it to be perfect." I breath at last. "I want to be someone so badly. I just... it feels wrong waking up and not being able to sing on stages or act. And- and I know I'm young, and I know how you feel about that industry and that job in particular. But baby, I feel so empty. I just... I just need to do it. It's not even a job I want to get, it's a job I need and I need it now!"

My breathing picked up a notch.

"I know that... I just thought- I just thought you're gonna wait a little longer... I thouht you wanted to be a child for as long as you can. What made you feel so stressed out about this baby? Why aren't you taking it easy on you? You're so hard on yourself right now. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to have your thought and effort in it, not your whole life. What happened to the 'the bigger the 'no' is this time the harder I'll climb' ha? Where did that attitude go?" 

She wrapped her hands around me and I placed my forehead on hers. 

"My mom told me something..." I sigh. 

"What did she tell you?" She whispered, looking into my eyes intently to not miss any detail.

"She told me-"

*flash back*

"No you can't." 

"But mom!" 

"No Kathryn, and it's my final answer. I'm sorry sweetheart."

"But it's not fair! Why does it have to be me?" I was full on sobbing now. 

"Oh sweetie... I'm sorry honey. I really am. There's nothing I can do." She shook her head, hugged my shaking body, kissed my forehead and walked upset and defeated into the kitchen. 

No. I will fight for this. I'll fight for my freedom. 

"But mom! It's not fair, I bring enough money! I can't keep working so much, school is getting harder and harder and I can't keep up. I haven't hung out with Lily for four days. Do you know that? Four days mama! Please! Why can't you just-"

My mom sobbed, her hand over her mouth in horror, trying to swallow the sobs as she squeezes her eyes tightly and shakes her head. I step closer to her, all the anger is long gone, and tears are threatening to fall from my eyes at the sight of my strong powerful mom crumbling down. Just as I got close enough to her, her knees gave out and I caught her before she fall flat on the ground, both of us kneeling, holding onto each other. 

"I ddon't- I, I don't- I don't..." She sobs harder, holding onto me tightly. "You don't what, Mami?" I caress her hair. "I don't- I don't h-have enough... enough money to pay for Ilay's school next-next year. I don't... I don't know what to do"

And that's...

That's when my heart really gave up on hope. 

What's hope, really? 

What was I fighting for all these years my dad was gone? 

Of course. 

Of course just as I feel like I'm on top of the world... just as I feel like everything is going well. Really well, this happens. 

This happens and... and...

I buried my face in my mom's neck as we hugged, sobbing together, cause we both know what this means. We both know. Adam's in college, trying to reach to his dream job, but even though he got half a scholarship, it still costs some money. Amanda is already working none stop, never really being at home or hanging out with friends, cause she's working on getting enough money for her own college education while paying for our food. Emalia is just a little girl, and she already started babysitting to try and pay for her own school activities and trip fields and hang outs with her friends that costs money, like the movies and such. And me? I work two and a half jobs to try and help my mom pay all the rest. All I wanted was to cut one of them off. Not all of them, just one, so I'll have more time, so I'll feel less of a zombie. But now... now I'm the only chance my siblings got for a future. My options? or getting a new job, that pays more, which is ... a lot... that pays a-freaking-lot more, or... or that-that they can take my best friends, my life, my siblings, to somewhere else. And I can't... I can't let that happen. 

So it's official.

I have to... 

I have to get a job. 

And I know a job that pays a lot of money, which is a full time -24/7- one and is my dream job as well. It's just too bad that... that by fighting to get that job I'll be losing everything. 

My privacy, 

What was left out of my youth, 

My friends...

Everything. 

And I'm not sure. 

I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. 

***************

hey beautiful flowers!

how are you?

a question... do you happen to have a favourite flower?

BY THE WAY!

I got to give the biggest shout out to this cutie  : 

abby_telor_fanclub

Thank you SO SO much for showing extra support, you made my year and i appreciate you so much and im so happy i could inspire you enough to make you tell me in your own way that i succeded in making u smile, at least once.

And guys/humans? have a great time zone...