Reunited in Hollyoaks #wattys2018

Just a broken soul...

I'm so sorry it has took me so long to update! University and assignments have took up my life lately, but I have pushed myself to finally put an ending to this book, rather than leave you all on a longer cliff hanger.

Broken.
That's all I could psychically and mentally feel. You never know true pain until the realisation hits that you will never ever be able to see, hear and touch someone who means so much to you ever again. Through every bad thing in my life I always had my brothers to pull me through but now two of them were gone.... It crushed me to an extent that I can not even begin to explain. They taught me everything in life and moulded me into the person I am today. But one thing they never taught me was how to live life without them.

Me and my three remaining brothers were silently stood around the living room. Not a word was said. Just sympathetic smiles tossed to each other when eye contact was made. Dressed in our finest smart wear, waiting for the appropriate time to leave for Ziggy's funeral. Jason's face was one that held complete grief and sadness, he looked drained. It worried me deeply as not only had we lost Freddie but now Zig. Jason was the most sensitive of us all and it seemed he was being hit by hurdle after hurdle due to having found out within the space of a few weeks that his now ex girlfriend Holly had he cheating, not only with another man but his own twin brother. Followed by the death of our two older brothers. His mental health had already been affected due to his recent self harming and I feared his emotions may now spiral out of control and lead him to a darker place. I wasn't prepared to loose yet another brother. Then there was Robbie. The distance between us younger three siblings had significantly increased lately due to Robbie's betrayal to Jason. But Rob's bad boy persona was easy to see through, he was a broken boy. His face may hold a stern unfazed expression but his deep brown orbs stated otherwise, they held a tremendous amount of pain. I knew how much Freddie's death affected him, the three of us had always been the closest due to the unfortunate reason of our thrill for criminal life. We always had to watch out for each other more so than we did with the others, permanently getting involved with the wrong side of the law had its consequences, but it created a strong bond between us, one in which I will always be thankful for. Finally, I analysed Joe's stone cold exterior, his eyes stern, his mind seemed to be else where and I could only wish to know what was going on inside our eldest brothers head. I furrowed my eyebrows whilst deep in thought trying to process as to why Joe seemed so impatient and eager to leave the house. After all I was not for one minute, hoping the 16minutes we needed to wait would go any faster, as I knew what was waiting once that time was up and quite frankly I wasn't prepared to say my goodbyes to another brother so soon. I just wasn't ready.

12 minutes left.
The silence was broken once Joe's phone beeped. He glanced down at the device before stating he needed to leave to grab something from the garage. I nodded understandably as I assumed he needed some time alone before we attended the funeral. The front door slammed closed behind him and it left the three of us, still in the same positions since we first came into the room. The silence was again broken but by Robbie this time. "Guys? I know I have been a complete jerk to you lately. Especially you Jase but I'm so sorry. It's made me realise lately that you just don't know what's going to happen. I love you both so much and I just hope we can be close again. I can't live with myself knowing i can't be there for you both in this horrible situation and we just need to stick together. It's tough on all of us" he sniffed. I saw the genuine glimmer in his eyes and said nothing but walked slowly towards him. I lifted my head once standing right in-front of him. No words were exchanged. Just a tight embrace. Jason soon followed and we all began to sob into each others arms. Heart wrenching noises erupted from the three of us as we clung onto each other in desperation. Relying on each other in that short time. I broke. Robbie broke. Jason broke. We were not the bad ass Roscoe family at that moment but a broken family. And we only had each other now.