Hang in there (Jamilton)

4

My head spun with a thousand different scenarios, each one different from the last. Most of them where of me avenging poor Philip in this huge argument that completely crushed Jefferson.

I had hushed Philip for the moment by swaying him gently and humming tunes of nursery rhymes I remembered from my own childhood. The thought of Jefferson hurting him filled me with rage I had never experienced before, the type that makes you want to break something. My mind drifted off into thought of how to get back at him, again. I loved Philip more than myself. 

Three quick raps on the door broke my chain of thought. Before I had a chance to yell that I was busy they open the door and walked in.

I sighed and turned to them praying my eyes weren't as red as they had been a few minutes ago.

Madison coughed a few times before speaking. 

"Listen Alex, I uh know that your upset. I just came here to apologize on Thomas behalf, he can get a bit" He paused for a few moments. "Aggressive, and well I just wanted to tell you that no matter what he says in the heat of the moment, please don't take it to heart."

"So he sent you here to apologize to me because he doesn't know when he takes something to far? And you two expect me to just frolic away today because even though he insults my only son, tells me to go back to Caribbean, because he somehow knows my entire history, not creepy by the way. Then goes and tells me my only brother that wants anything to do with me hates me. And he can't even apologize to my face."

"Listen Alex..."

"Save it, I appreciate that you care but if Jefferson really wanted to apologize he would have come here himself." 

Madison gave me one last glance then walked out.

I felt sort of bad for being harsh at him but I still felt anger flowing through me at what Jefferson had said about Philip.

I suddenly heard whispering outside of my door before in came Jefferson, throwing the door open so hard it smashed against the wall before closing loudly.

I felt my entire body tense as I sprang to my feet ready to tell this arrogant bastard off.

"So you finally came to my face after sending poor James in to apologize. He didn't do anything. He shouldn't be the one responsible for your mistakes."

"Hamilton please"

"Please what? You insult my only child. The one thing I have left of my wife. You called him an animal you know what it feels like to hear that? My child which I happen to love more than myself if just and animal in your eyes? You heartless person, what has he done to you. I'll answer that for you. Nothing. Philip is completely innocent and you tell me not to bring him to work because of your own selfish reasons? Can you even see beyond yourself? Does it even occur to you why I have to bring him to the office in the first place?"

My voice raised at every sentence I yelled at him not realizing how loud I had gotten until I heard Philip's wails.

I grabbed Philip out of his carrier and cradled him trying to put him back to sleep.

Jefferson looked shocked at my outburst looking at me, then Philip, then back.

"Look, I really want to apologize for what I said. I asked for all that in my department to get on your nerves, and I really didn't mean what I said about your son." Jefferson said borderline whispering

"Listen, you can't take back what you said. Thanks for the apology but it doesn't change the fact that you said what you did."

Philip continued to cry and I tried humming to him but with no avail

"I think he's hungry" Jefferson said "Do you have anything here?"

"No" I said snapped humming louder praying Philip would go to sleep to get Jefferson out of my office.

"You took your kid to work but you didn't bring anything for him to eat?"

"It's not that simple Jefferson"

"Your kid is literally crying for food Hamilton, please tell me you have food at home for him at least." 

"I told you, it's not that simple"

"Oh my gosh, do you have anything in your lunch you could give him?"

"If I didn't have anything for Philip what makes you think that I would have something for myself" I felt my voice raising a bit

"So you just straight up don't have any food"

"Bingo Jefferson, now you can leave theres nothing you can help me with right now" Philip's wails grew steadily louder and I tried every trick I knew to make him stop.

"Hamilton..."

"If you'd excuse me I have to take Philip back home since I wouldn't like to be a disruption in the office."

"And your going to buy him and yourself something to eat on the way home?"

"Depends on how much I have at the moment, I think I could buy a couple containers of baby food for him."

"And for yourself?"

"I'll grab an apple while in there. Happy?" At this point I was almost to irritated to deal with Jefferson that I was on the verge of just shoving him out of the way.

"Hamilton you can't just live off an apple. I know that your son means the world to you but you need to take care of yourself as well."

"And then what?" I felt my voice rise again "Lose my apartment? Go into debt? Life isn't as easy for me as it is for you ok? You want me to say it? Ok, I'm broke. Thats the entire truth, I left everything I use to have in the Caribbean and spent what I earned here trying to save Eliza. Now I'm left with nothing. Just Philip and I trying to survive in the world."

"Give Philip to me."

"Excuse me?"

"Im not going to lie, I don't like you Hamilton. But I wouldn't wish your situation upon anyone. Give Philip to me, I'm going to buy some food for him."

I gave him a skeptical look before handing Philip over to him. 

"I swear to God Jefferson if you do anything to my son I will personally hurt you"