Phase 3, part 2

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In the upcoming days, I multiply my effort

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In the upcoming days, I multiply my effort. Ryan seems to worry about me, constantly telling me to not overdo myself. But I don't feel like overdoing something. I feel great. Better than ever. And seeing my progress, my body transforming to look like a real human instead of a malnourished wreck, that's the best motivation.

I also eat a lot. I need tissue to build muscles from. Ryan is sometimes horrified about the amount of food I consume, but I don't care. After fifteen years of starving, I feel like I deserve this. I found the biggest pleasure in fish and chicken. And fries. I'd be able to eat a mountain of these salty potato sticks.

I also switched to a more advanced exercise programs. Every day, I lift two-liter bottles of water to strenghten my thin, fragile arms. I do sit-ups, squats and even push-ups, even though only on my knees so far. And I try to add more every day.

Maybe Ryan is right, sometimes I really overdo myself. Every now and then, I exhaust myself so much I can just sit somewhere out of sight and cry in silence. At these moments, I feel what Ryan has been talking about - an urge to give up. I feel like no matter what I do, I'll always be that tiny, useless Zoya I've always been.

I'll never be as powerful as the Champions I sometimes see on TV. I was born weak and defective, and it seems I'll carry that stigma forever. Another explosions of frustration come when I look at my body. Even though I slowly gain weight, I'm still much thinner than I'm supposed to be. Maybe the years in the Dead Zone made a deficency I'll never be able to fill.

Even if I ate like a pig and exercised until I drop, I'd never be able to compete with the best.

Fortunately, I can always remember why am I here in the first place.

Ryan needs me. He bought me because he was desperate and hoped I'll finally bring him something so he can finish his research and introduce his discovery to the world. He didn't tell me what is it yet. I probably wouldn't understand it. But he deserves to reach this goal.

And about me? I think the most important thing that pushes me forward is my ambition. After my Tribe abandoned me when the Hunters took my mother and killed my father, I have to live with a lingering stigma of uselessness. They didn't find me important enough to rescue me. They left me for dead.

Even if just once, I want to know what it's like to be respected. Admired. Enjoy the looks of people who don't see you only as a burden, some kind of garbage that should be thrown off. I want the world to know my name. See my face on banners and holograms just like I saw Nightingale, the current Champion of Champions, in the shopping mall.

That's probably why am I so persistent even though the progression is slow. Why I learn to run, jump, later even safety rolls, the basics of parkour and flips. It is painful. I have to try the trick countless times before I can get it right every time. Because of that, my body is full of bruises and scratches.

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