Who Are You?

Chapter 7

Songs I listened to while writing this chapter:

Run- Daughter

Independence Day- 5SOS

I See Fire- Ed Sheeran

All I Want- Kodaline

Home- Gabrielle Aplin

In My Bones- Ron Pope

Over and Over- 5SOS

If You Don't Know- 5SOS

Robbers- The 1975

Liam's POV

I wave to Maddie as she closes her front door. I walk down her long driveway and get back in my car.

I wanted to kiss her so badly. I just couldn't. I can't take another heartbreak, and that's normally all that comes from high school relationships.

Besides, Dad says girlfriends are distractions from football. And if I want a scholarship, that can't happen.

I don't want a scholarship, but I also don't want to disappoint my dad any sooner than I have to.

When I get in the car, I pull out a CD I've really grown to like. I skip to track 14 and sing along as Independence Day blares through my speakers.

This song has become my song. The song that describes my life. And one day, when I escape at a ridiculous hour in the night, I'll leave a note telling my dad to listen to this song. Maybe then he'll understand how I feel.

Who am I kidding, he'll never understand. He's too blinded by his own wishes to see mine.

I pull into my driveway and take the final dose of my medicine in the car. As I walk in the house, I realize I forgot to call my mum and tell her I was skipping dinner.

"Mum! I'm so so sorry!" I gush.

"It's fine, Liam. Your father left for a business trip after your workout this morning," she explains.

I let out a breath of relief and kiss her cheek.

"Ok, thank you. Have you eaten?" I ask.

"I did, I'm gonna go to the grocery store now. I'll be a few hours, so if you want to come, you're welcome," she says.

"I think I'll stay here, I'm tired," I say forcing a yawn.

She nods and hugs me.

"Ok dear, get some rest. Your father's hotel number is on the fridge if you need him, and you know my cell. I'll be back soon," she says walking out the door.

As soon as she pulls out, I bolt up the staircase and to my room.

I close the door behind me, out of habit, and turn to my bed. I crouch down, smiling when I see the old, dusty box.

When I turned 16, I finally had enough. I'd been saving up for years, and I finally had enough money. So, I drove myself down to the music store and bought myself a keyboard.

I had to be careful to hide it from my parents, only playing it when they weren't home. Otherwise, it stays under my bed, in its box. That way if they find it, I can say I'm giving it as a gift.

I take it out of the box and carefully place it on my bed. I sit behind it, and my fingers find their correct places across the keys. I play gently and begin to sing as well.

"They can read all about it, read all about it ooooohh," I sing.

I'm immediately freed from my pain, taken to another world, a world where I can be who I want to be, not who I need to be. In this world, I'm not Liam, the football jock with lots of hair gel, I'm Liam, the musician with a big heart. I just wish people could see the real me.

I finish the first song, and start to play In My Bones.

"It's my fault, I don't care, I can't hate you if you're not here," I sing, this time letting my vocals do what they want.

"My angel with her dirty wings, she used to make me smile, she kept all of her secrets locked inside."

My mind starts to flood with images of Maddie. Those big, blue eyes looking into mine, the light hitting her caramel brown hair, those soft, pink lips. Perfection.

I shake my head in an attempt to clear her from my head.

"Now I'm trying to forget her, but I feel her in my bones."

It's almost as if the lyrics line up with what I'm feeling.

"I wanted the truth, but sometimes the truth hurts," I finish.

As I look down, I see teardrops on the keys. More tears fall onto my fingers as I pull them off the keys. I lift my fingers to my eyes to look at them, glistening under the light.

Tears are such a powerful thing. They're practically liquid emotion dripping from our faces. The only way to express what you're feeling, besides music of course. Tears can be happy, or sad. Tears can represent joy, or mourning. Sometimes, you want to cry, but you just can't. Sometimes you don't want to cry, but you just can't stop yourself.

I continue to play more songs on my keyboard, disregarding the tears showering the keys.

I need this escape.

"You say things that I don't, you make me feel alone, every night we play over and over," I cry out.

"Cos when the night is dark, and there's no way back, I'll call your name but it's fading, were fading," I sing with only two words running through my head. Two very important words. One filled with love, and one with hatred. One filled with joy and happiness, and the other filled with tears and loneliness.

Dad and Maddie.

And I start to wonder how that beautiful angel got under my skin so quickly. In less than 24 hours, I've fallen for her. I've started to wish she was here to wipe my tears, and cease my worries.

"Cos I remember the taste of your skin tonight, and the way that you looked you had those eyes, I remember the way it felt inside, and the name of the songs that made you cry, you would scream, we would fight, you would call me crazy, I would laugh, you were mad, but you'd always kiss me, and the shirt that I had that you always borrowed, when I woke it was gone, there was no tomorrow," I shout angrily into the air.

I'm not angry at anyone else but myself. Angry for succumbing to my father's wrath. Angry for not standing up to myself. Angry for not being the perfect football star everyone wants me to be. Angry for being alone.

But most of all, angry for falling in love with a girl I can never have.