Come Back When You Can

Chapter 10: Ambivalence

Chapter 10: Ambivalence

"Can you... Tell me why?" He asked.

She hesitated at first but looking at DJ's eyes, this can be the only way they can restart.

"Where do I start?" She mumbled. She fiddled with her fingers unable to form words. She can see flashbacks in her mind and it hurt every single bone in her body. "Ask me and I'll answer."

DJ nodded, and now he was the speechless one. He bit his lip and rubbed his nose and then the back of his neck. A sign that he was nervous and then he looked at Kathryn.

"Why did you leave that night?" He asked.

Kathryn put both her hands on her face, trying to push back the tears but it didn't help.

"I've been feeling like hell, lately and I needed my best friend. But of course, we've already broken up by then and we were only together that month because of all the press junks that we were doing. I was at my lowest point and you didn't even notice...

... I need you because you were the only one who could cheer me up but you don't seem to care. You tell me that you'll always be there for me but you're not. Where were you when I needed you the most? I know that I'm hard to deal with sometimes but you gave up on me just like everyone else. I felt like I was alone and that I lost you and I couldn't handle that...

... I don't think you know how much it was killing me inside because I knew by then that I had lost you forever." Kathryn didn't want to look at DJ. She stood up from the hammock and sat on the ground. DJ wanted her to stand up and sit next to him but no words came out of his mouth except from a nod. He was scrunching eyebrows thinking of all the questions that was floating in his head for the last 10 years before speaking.

"Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"It was easier to lie." She said, pulling the weeds off the ground.

DJ felt a tear roll down his cheeks and he immediately wiped it. This is it. He wanted this. He had no right to be mad at Kathryn for her answers or her revelations. He asked for answers and now she was giving him it. But he couldn't help it. He wanted to do a lot of things; be violent or some sort of shit.

"Just say it, DJ." Kathryn gave a bitter chuckle.

"Say what?" He snapped.

"You know you want to say something. Then why not just say it? Besides, it's honesty hour, isn't it?" This is what they were both scared of. Getting even angrier at each other but it's a good thing that it was Kathryn's mom's birthday so they had self-control. "Fucking say it, DJ!" She hissed. DJ gave her a death glare before wiping another tear.

"What did I ever do wrong? I never hurt you. I never lied to you. I never broke my promises. I never stopped trying to make you happy. But most importantly, I never gave up on you. Yet you gave up easily on me. You  left me hanging there like I deserved to be let go without an explanation. Even then, I never stopped loving you. I just decided to stop showing it."

Kathryn only gave him a nod, refusing to look at his crying and sad face.

"Next question." She whispered.

"You left because I made you stay?" Kathryn shook her head. He doesn't understand and he will  never understand.

"No, not just that at least." She pinched her sides thrice, hoping to wake her up a little. She was becoming more and more tired by the moment. Holding back tears is such a drag, you know?