Demi POV
My eyes were glued to the ticking clock. There was a large part of me that wished i had just jumped as soon as i got to the bridge. I made the mistake of waiting too long and now i had to face the music, which was something i didn't think i could do.
"How long have you been feeling depressed for?" the woman asked as she wrote notes on her clipboard. She was the person who was doing my psych evaluation. I hadn't really been answering her questions. Whenever she would ask i would just shrug my shoulders. I didn't have the energy. They had to sedate me a couple of hours ago when i woke up from a nightmare, where i relived being raped by Dylan. It wasn't a strong sedation, but it was strong enough to calm me.
"Demi you have to answer my questions if you want to get better" she said with a calm voice.
I scoffed, "I'm not getting better"
"Recovery is possible." she stated "I've sat here with many men and woman who've said the exact same thing as you have, and once they accepted my help they've recovered. It can get better"
"Well, those people aren't me." i shrugged.
"Can you please answer the question?" she pleaded.
I sighed, "Since i was like five or six."
"And how long have you felt suicidal?"
I looked down at my lap. I felt so ashamed. "I don't know." i answered honestly "There was times when i felt suicidal when i was seven years old. It pretty much always been in the back of my mind. I guess it just finally made it through to the surface after i-i, it actually doesn't matter"
"What changed in your life that made these thoughts reach the surface?"
"It doesn't matter. I can't tell you." i whispered, my heartbeat picking up its pace.
"Small details can be very important to your recovery. You can tell me anyth-"
"I'm not gonna tell you!" i yelled gritting my teeth. "And i'm done answering your questions!"
She sighed and looked up at the clock. "I'll take you back to your room them." She stood up and made her way to the door. I got up and followed her, tears beginning to fill my eyes again.
Once i was back in my room i sat and cried. Every negative thing anyone's ever said to me came rushing into my head and it wouldn't stop. As soon as i heard someone at the door i sat up straight and wiped the tears away. A couple of nurses came in, one had food and the other had a tray with a a couple of needles on it and other medical equipment, they probably thought i would be sleeping and put them there in case i had another nightmare.
The nurse gave me a tray with food on it which looked disgusting. I sat it on the table. The other nurse sat her medical equipment on the drawer next to my bed. I took a glance at the needles. Thoughts flooded my head. I knew i wasn't thinking straight but that thought was in the back of my head. I just wanted to put and end to my life right now.
When the nurse turned around to do something to the heart monitor that i was on i made a grab for the needle and took the lid off with my teeth. I held the needle to my heart and i sobbed continuously. I heard the nurse call on the doctor.
"Get back." i weeped "Or i swear to god, i'll stab myself."
"I need you to put that down." the doctor pleaded.
"It would kill me right?" i whispered "If i stabbed it into my heart it would kill me right?"
"You don't wanna do that" he said.
"I do." i cried "People have told me to do it so why shouldn't i." I pressed the needle against my chest slightly.
"Demi.." another voice came from the door. It was Nick. The look on his face broke my heart. There were tears streaming down his face.
"Nick" i breathed, the needle falling from my hand. The nurses ran over to me, taking away the needle and tying my arms to the bed. My eyes never left Nick though. I broke him. He couldn't even look at me.
The doctor ushered him out of the room. I stared at the spot he had been standing in. Once i snapped out of it i realised what i'd done. I knew I needed to get help, before i hurt even more people around me.
