The Space Between

Walk A Little Straighter

I felt numb. She ripped my heart out and left a huge gaping hole. I couldn't shake the mental image of her laying on the ground with a hole blown through her head. Every time I blinked, every time I took a breath, it's all I could see. She was coming apart at the seams and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I could see her sitting on the porch talking with Nate. For whatever reason this gave me a sinking feeling. She wasn't in the best frame of mind right now. There was no telling what she was talking to him about. Instead of worrying about what I had no control over, I tried to calm my nerves.

I was still holding onto the bullet that she handed me outside. It was pressed firmly into my palm. I didn't want to look at it. I walked upstairs and placed in the dresser door. I locked it away in the dark with the rest of the undesirable memories I didn't want to talk about.

When I went back downstairs I noticed that Nate was no longer sitting with Demi on the porch. I looked around for him and found him sitting outside at his fathers gravesite.

"Everything ok?" I asked him carefully.

"Demi just told me something that I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around." He said gruffly.

I swallowed. "What did she say?" I asked.

"She was going to kill herself. You stopped her. She also told me that she had kissed you a while back and told you that she had fallen in love with you." He said slowly. "Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"She said what?" I asked my voice higher than usual. "What else did she say?"

"Just that it was her fault and that you didn't feel the same. She said that its been tearing her up and she wanted to come clean with me."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Is that what she said?" I scoffed.

"Yes. Why didn't you tell me?" He asked again.

"Because I didn't know how. I didn't want to put her in an awkward position and I didn't want you to be angry"

I honestly had no idea what else to say. She told him a very weird version of the truth and quite honestly I wasn't ready to tell more lies to keep it that way. She did this on purpose.

"I'm not mad Sel, I just had no idea. She wanted to kill herself for fucks sake." He said sighing. "That's not ok."

"I'm sorry Nate." I whispered as the guilt set in. "She's very hard to deal with sometimes. I didn't know what to do." I was getting way too good at lying to him. It broke my heart.

"I've got to talk to mom." He said as he got up and walked back to the house.

As soon as he left, I went to find Demi. She had no right to put me in this position. I was furious. Half truths and lies were the benchmark of our relationship. It had to stop. I stormed around the house and couldn't find her. I walked outside and searched the shop, still no sign of her. By the time I found her in the barn, I was livid.

"Demi!" I snapped. "What the fuck?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." She responded. "Power down and use complete sentences." She responded as she continued placing things into a large duffel bag.

She didn't even bother looking at me.

"Why? Why did you say that shit to Nate?"

"Because I wanted too. He deserves to know the truth, even if it is half ass." She responded, still not looking at me.

"Look at me!" I snapped. She stopped what she was doing and have me her attention. "Do you have any idea what you've done? It's still a fucking lie!"