The Space Between

Your Mouth Is Poison Your Mouth Is Wine

As soon as she said it, I nearly lost all self control. I knew if I did this, I wouldn't be able to take it back. I wanted her badly. It was more than that though. I wanted everything. I was physically drawn to her, but I knew that whatever it was that was happening between us, was much deeper.

"Selena, tell me to stop. Please. Don't let me..."

I was silenced when she turned and pressed her lips to mine. This kiss was different from the first. It was slow and hesitant. After several moments, I felt her pull away.

"What are we doing?" She asked, her voice wavering.

"Fucking up Nate's life." I said as I walked away.

"Demi!" She called out. "Wait!"

"Wait?" I snapped turning around to face her. "Wait for what Selena?" I asked "I don't even know you but you're all I fucking think about. I've kissed you twice already despite the fact that the ridiculously large diamond that's wrapped around your finger was placed there by my fucking baby brother." I yelled.

"You think you're the only one that has a right to be angry?!" She hissed. "What about me? You practically eye fuck me every time we're in the same room. Every time you get close to me I lose all self control. How do you think that makes me feel? I'm coming undone because of you and I don't even know why!" She yelled back.

I could hear the thunder as it shook the house. I almost laughed at the irony. I looked into her eyes and saw so many questions. I recognized the hurt and confusion immediately. Beneath all of that, I could still see the desire. I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath.

"I think it's probably best if we keep our distance. Whatever it is that's happening between us, we're clearly not equipped or even able to deal with it." I tell her, my voice slightly shaky.

"We can't just avoid each other." She responded.

"Yes we can." I tell her as I back away.

"I want to know you Demi. I want us to be friends. I want to get past this." She said pleading with me.

"I don't know." I answer.

"Promise me." She says. "Nate told me that you never break a promise. Promise me you can hold back."

"It's not that simple." I sigh.

How do I explain to someone that they literally physically cause me pain whenever I'm around them? How do you even tell someone something like that?

"Please?" She whispers. "I need to have you in my life." Her brown eyes were begging me.

"Why is this so important to you?" I asked.

"Because its important to Nate." She answered.

I ran my hands through my hair, closed my eyes, then let out a deep sigh.

"Ok. I promise." I tell her.

She walked over to me and wrapped me in a hug. I wanted to die. She held me a little tighter and a little longer than she should have. I could tell she was breathing me in. I had absolutely had no idea how either one of us was going to be able to do this. I felt her pull away, hesitantly. The longing in her eyes as I backed away damn near killed me. She looked so sad.

"I'm going to get some air." I told her as I walked away.

"I'll find you later." She said to me before I made it out the door.

I walked outside toward the barn. I was immediately drenched. I lifted my face to the sky and let the rain beat down on my face. I secretly hoped that the storm would wash away all my sins. I felt like complete shit. I've betrayed my brother and he doesn't even know it. Once I make it to the barn, I shake the water out of my hair and sit down on a stool by the workbench. I needed to clear my head. I needed to get her out of my head. Maybe I should just remove my head, I thought as I sat there.