The Space Between

I Can't Do This Anymore

I watched the cattle move across the hillside. I loved it out here. I glanced over at Shane, he was napping against a tree. For the first time in a long time, I felt content. I had spoken with my management team about my intention to leave public life. They were currently working out the best way to inform my fans and the general public. I will probably always make music, I just wouldnt be touring and doing endless publicity. No more premiers and parties and award shows. I was coming home permanently. No more la la land for me. I was burnt out.

"You ready?" I heard Shane grumble as he woke up.

"Just waiting on you sleeping ugly." I smirked.

"Lame." He said rolling his eyes.

"Quit your bitching and lets go." I said to him. "They've settled in nicely." I said referring to the cattle.

He got up and climbed onto his horse. "Don't have to tell me twice. I'm ready for a hot shower and a warm bed." He stated.

"You an me both." I replied.

"Can I ask you something Dem?" Shane said as we rode toward the house.

"Go for it."

"What do you think of Taylor?" He asked.

"She's a great person." I said with a smile.

"So, you like her?" He asked hopefully.

"Umm, yes." I said raising an eyebrow. "You're being weird." I added.

"I'm gonna ask her to marry me." He blurted out.

"That's awesome!" I exclaimed. "Good luck." I winked.

"Thanks Dem." he said laughing.

"She'll say yes."

"I know."

The rest of the ride home was spent in silence. Silence with Shane is always comfortable. He had a certain air of carelessness about him. He was the oldest, but he often acted like the youngest. He was a man child. Full of mischief and foolishness. I still had him beat in the mischief deptartment however. Mischief was my specialty. He was the kind of guy that would give you the shirt off his back. He was a good man and he would be a good husband and father. Out of all of us, I always pictured him having like a million kids.

We arrived back at the house just as the sun was setting. I saw Selena out by the oak tree taking some pictures. I was surprised to see her up and moving around. She looked terrible the last time I saw her. I unsaddled my horse, brushed it down and let it loose in the corral. I saw her approach me as I carried my riding gear to the barn.

"Need a hand?" She said smiling. I loved the way her eyes lit up.

"Nah. I got it."

"It's been quiet without you and Shane around."

"I'm sure that was a welcome relief." I said as I put my saddle and halter away.

"I missed you." She said touching my forearm.

"I need to go wash up." I said awkwardly.

"Dem. Don't be like this. Please?" She asked me.

I sighed as she searched my eyes for some signal of surrender. I wasn't trying to be indifferent to her, I just didn't want to get lost in her.

"Come see me after dinner." I said softly as I reached my hand out and touched her face gently.

"Ok." She said softly as she turned and walked toward the house.

Dinner was uneventful. I was preoccupied anyway. I didn't really talk much and I was glad that no one really noticed. I could vaguely hear the conversations as they all spoke about their day or something they heard on the news. I pretty much just zoned out. I had one thing on my mind, Selena. I wanted her to leave Nate. We still hadn't decided how we were going to go about telling the family about our relationship when the time came. I assumed it would be a simple story about the way we connected after Nate and her got divorced. I'm not sure what kind of timeline we would be working with, so our relationship would have to be secret. The secrecy was getting old as it was. I was getting frustrated with how complicated this whole situation was.