The Space Between

We're Going Down Swinging

Once the tour started I was constantly busy. I texted and called Selena as often as I could. It had been three months since I had last seen her. Sometimes she was completely present and engaged and other times she seemed distant and withdrawn. I knew our relationship was taking its toll on her. I felt bad, but the fact that I was falling in love with her outweighed the guilt. I also didn't have to see Nate everyday like she did. I was worried that she was starting to crack. She looked exhausted the last time we face timed.

"Turn the mic up." I told my sound technician.

I gave him a thumbs up when I was happy with the sound in my ear monitors. I laid down in the middle of the stage and continued singing. Sound check was closed today, so I didn't have to worry about fans.

"Demi!" I heard a familiar voice call out.

I turned and smiled. "You little bastard!" I said as I ran over to him and gave him a hug. "I didn't know you were coming."

"That is the nature of a surprise." Nate said as he released me.

"Hey Dem." Selena said softly, smiling. I pulled her in for a hug. I held on a little longer than I should have but Nate didn't seem to notice.

"How are you guys doing?" I asked.

"Really good actually. I just made partner." Nate said smiling.

"That's great news." I said patting him on the back.

"I heard your tour sold out everywhere." He said. "That's amazing."

"Thank you." I replied. "I've got a few more shows left. The last one is in Chicago next week." I said winking at Selena. "You're awfully quiet." I said teasing her.

"I'm just letting you two catch up." She smiled.

"Speaking of which, I'm going to be crazy busy for the next week and I feel bad about leaving Sel at home. Maybe she could come with you and take some pictures of the performances and what not. It would be good for her exposure as far as the photography goes." He stated.

"Nate!" Selena exclaimed. "Did you even think to ask me if I wanted to spend the next week on a tour bus with a bunch of musicians?" She said raising an eyebrow.

"Aww, come on Sel." I said laughing. "It will be fun." I added with a wink.

"You should do it babe." Nate said to her grinning childishly.

"Fine." She said rolling her eyes.

"Awesome." I said. "I'll get you a pass for the rest of the tour." I told her.

I took them both out to lunch and I was actually surprised that it wasn't awkward. I would get a little annoyed whenever they were affectionate with each other, but I managed to hide it pretty well. I had no right to be jealous. She was his wife, not mine.

We finished lunch and I went back to the arena to get ready. I had radio interviews a meet and greet and several other things to do before I took the stage tonight. Nate showed Selena around the stage and introduced her to the crew. I worked with the same people all the time, so he knew almost everyone. Once I finished the set, I ran over to the side of the stage and hugged Selena. Nate smiled and hugged me once I let her go.

"I've got a flight to catch Dem, but you were amazing as always." He said smiling proudly. I watched as he and Selena said their goodbyes.

"I've gotta shower." I told her before heading toward my dressing room. She followed me.

"Looks like we have an entire week and half together." She said grinning as I stripped my sweaty clothes off and stepped under the shower head.

"Mostly. With the exception of all the eyeballs that watch my every move. I have zero privacy unless I'm on my bus." I explained.

"Ah. Fans and reporters." She said.

"Yup. And believe me, their number one priority is to too figure who I may or may not be fucking or dating or whatever." I say as I scrub my body.

I laughed as my manager walked into the room.

"Demi, you've got twenty minutes before the online Q&A." She stated.

"Ok. Thanks." I say as she leaves the room. "See? No privacy." I said while Selena laughed.

She made herself comfortable on the couch while I settled in with my laptop. She leaned her head on my shoulder as I started the live chat. Once I finished and the stage and crew was packed and ready to go, we boarded my bus and got changed into pajamas. I smiled when she immediately draped herself across me.

"I've missed you so much." She mumbled into my chest.

"I missed you too, Selenalenalena." I said.

"That's cute."

"I know." I said smirking.

"How have you been?" She asked.

"You know exactly how I've been." I said smiling. "We text and talk all the time."

"You seem kind of thin...are you eating she asked?" A worried expression on her face.

"Sel, I just had lunch with you. We will be grabbing dinner in a few. I'm eating. Stop worrying." I chuckled lightly.

"You're my favorite." She said looking at my face and smiling brightly.

"Sel, I lo..."

She placed her finger against my lips. "Don't say it." She said. "I can't handle it." She whispered.

"Ok." I said softly.

I understood exactly why she didn't want me to say it. It would make what we were doing way too real for her. She had tried several times to end it, but I wouldn't let her. I know she felt the same. I wish she would just say it. I didn't care about what my family would think anymore. I wanted her to myself. I knew that if I was careful, I'd be able to make her mine. I just had to take it slow. This entire situation was hard for her. It affected her deeply and I didn't want her to come out of it broken beyond repair. I know I was climbing a slippery slope, but the heart wants what it wants. I was tired of fighting myself. Now I just had to fight her. She was defenseless when it came to me. I had already crossed every line she had drawn. I've systematically wrecked every single wall she's put up. I know what I'm doing, even if she doesn't. She's what I have been waiting for, even if she doesn't know it yet.

"You scare me sometimes." She says softly.

"How so?" I ask.

"You deserve more than this. I don't know why you settle for it." She responds.

"Maybe it's what I want." I answered.

"No one wants this." She said sadly.

"Well, luckily I'm not like everyone else." I say smiling.

"I wish you were. You have a horrible moral compass." She said grinning.

"The pot calling the kettle black..." I say touching her nose lightly with my finger.

"Shut up!" She sighed, hitting me with a pillow. "This really is horrible what we are doing."

"Agreed. Now quite reminding me." I said rolling toward her.

I pulled her close to me and laid in the darkness stroking her hair. She was going to resist me until the end, I realized. Hopefully it ended with me and her still together. I shuddered as I thought about the alternative. I needed her. She was like oxygen to me. I didn't mean to fall in love with her, but when I did I fell hard. It wasn't her fault either. It was mine. I opened my heart up to a person that I never should have invited in. In any case, it didn't matter anymore. What's done is done and all I can do is move forward. You never really know who you are until you're connected to someone else. She's my soulmate. I'm sure of it. When I'm with her, none of the noise matters. She's mine, and I will keep her forever if it's the last thing I do. I just hope I can hold onto her long enough.