A Smile Can Hide Anything

Chapter 9

(A/N: This chapter is going with chapter 8 just to let you know because I'm updating on two different days... Okay back to reading.)

~Dan's POV~

I walked into the lounge while I was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, where Phil was watching a Stranger Things episode in his pajamas. "Good Morning," He says not bothering to take his eyes off the screen. "Morning." I take a seat next to Phil. Moments and moments of awkward silence pass by, it didn't use to be this way; not until Trinity came along that is. "Why do you love Trinity?" I ask blurting out breaking the silence. "Because she makes me feel complete," Phil says still watching the TV looking almost brain dead. "Why?" Phil looks up to the ceiling of the lounge. "Well," He begins. "She makes me complete by making me happier and making me feel alive." I look down to my feet. "Oh."

Moments later Trinity walks in. I don't bother to pull my head up. "Good Morning!" She says in her annoying voice trying to copy Phil. I get up and walk past her. I can tell she's staring at me, but I don't care. I quickly walk to my room and shut the door. I grabbed my phone and turned on Always by Panic! At The Disco. If Phil wasn't dating Trinity and he ended up marrying me, we would have our slow dance to this song. The song describes how I feel about Phil. I walked and stood by my window placing my phone on my desk folding my hands behind my back.                      You are taking me apart like bad glue on a get well card... 

I could see the winter snow in London falling making it the perfect snow aesthetic. This calmed me making me feel at peace. I stood at the window for I don't even know how long. The apartment was quiet and still. ("Sometimes Quiet Is Violent" - Twenty One Pilots! Okay sorry...) I walked out of my room, maybe this time I could actually eat my cereal. I went to grab some cereal and all of a sudden I just hear seven terrifying words... "I love you" "I love you too." I rush back to my room, I didn't even wanna see if Phil and Trinity were doing anything. I closed my door and threw myself onto my bed. Sobbing and gasping for air because of only seven words between two people. Phil has made my heart ache every day for the last nine months. I remember yesterday when Trinity called me mental. I wanted to explode on her and tell her it's not my fault I'm this way! I'm sorry that I can't function right and I'm a little different than you! But you can't just call someone mental! I'm sick of holding in the pain of my heartache, it needs to come out some way. I turned around and looked over at my side table. I remembered what I left in the drawer. A blade. I yanked the drawer open and grabbed the blade there were dry blood marks from the last time I cut. I pulled my sleeve up and saw the scars of the last attack I made on my arm. I began making the first mark. The first cut is always the daintiest and the thinest because you're scared. I engraved the first mark than I continued                                                1 slice, 2 slice, 3 slice, 6 slice, 8 slice, 12 slice and so on. I continued until my pain was let out. I looked at the damage I've made. I was proud of my work. I grabbed some bandages from my drawer and wrapped them tight. I slid the blade back and I was done. Phil Lester do you know what pain I just went through because of you? I put my playlist on and laid on my floor in silence until the first beat played. Follow you by Bring Me The Horizon came on.                                                  You can drag me through Hell if that meant I could hold your hand...

Seconds passed, then minutes, then hours passed until the moonlit sky fell onto the snow crystalized trees of London, but all I thought about was Phil. I can't sleep. So don't close your eyes, not just yet. Sleep is the cousin of death. I looked at the clock, it was 11:11. I rubbed my hands on my face and felt the burning sensation of the recently made scars on my arm. No Phil to save my cuts now. I sighed, I wish Phil was laying next to me smiling at me, telling me that he loves me and that he never wants this moment to end. But, he's probably doing that in his room telling that stuff to Trinity. I got up and stood at my window thinking when I'm laying awake in the velvet of nightfall, I will think of your lips, how I've yet to kiss them at all.