Sword and Shield (GxG)

Chapter Thirteen : The Shattered Heart ~ Part One : Rikhata-Nia

[After Evangaline got pushed away in the hall]

I couldnt believe what had just happened with Evangaline. I had lost all my will to fight, yet I still care about what she has to say? And I'd opened myself to her? My pain, my misery, my heartbreak, and I let her in?! What is wrong with me! Last time I let someone in she broke me. Is breaking me. Lilian. The only  person I'd every trusted with my life, and she stabbed me in the back after all these years. I'll never love again. I swear it. Even if I think my life will be perfect, I wont fall, I wont think twice, I will never trust another. Lilian doesnt know how much she is hurting me... So what makes Evangaine think she does? She doesnt like me, she can say its in the past but I know better. She'll just hurt me too. Thats why I'm crying now. Not only do I wholly miss my Lilian, but I can smell the floral odor of Evangaline on my skin and clothes. So sickeningly pleasant I want it gone. I want her gone. I want Lilian back, no more princess, no more struggle. 

"I think she likes you" Akyra pointed out. "And she is the princess so you'd get some good from letting her"

"I'm not going to use her or anyone. I-I wont be like Lilian..." I whispered.

"Well dont use her. You make it all too clear you feel close to the same"

"I do not!"

"Oh really? Normally you'd've pushed her down when she tried to touch you, but you let her"

"That doesnt mean I like her, stupid bird"

"Ouch" Akryra rolled her eyes. "I'm just saying she'd help you. I dont know what she was saying before you went out but it sounded like she was crying"

"Its  called singing"

"Whatever. It sounded sad"

"That was the song-"

"Believe what you want. I've known you longer than Lilian and I know you better than you know yourself at times"

"No you dont. And even if I was to like her, I will never love again"

"So you'll let Lilian ruin the rest of your life? Pft, seems like she knew where to hit you and you wont be getting up"

"I am back up! I know where I stand! And it is a favor that she taught me that love is nothing but heartbreak! I will spare myself the hurt"

"You will spare yourself someone to rely on and help you. Lilian never helped you. Did she? She never put her trust in you. She just had you trust her and you'd forgive her when she did something wrong. She was using you the whole time and I've told you she was never good news!"

"Just shut up and leave me alone. I dont care for your lectures"

"Give the princess a chance. She may surprise you"

"What do you know?"

"I know how sad she looked telling you about Lilian, or how she sounded in the halls, and how she took your problems upon herself, and she tried to show you she cares" Akyra gave me a hard look "I'm trying to help you. You need someone, you need anyone-"

"I dont need anyone. I wont have anyone"

"Suit yourself. Its your loss not mine" Akyra curled up and fell asleep. I pushed any thoughts of her validity out of my mind. I wont love. I refuse to need another. 

. . .

I woke up early and snuck out of my room, but I found someone waiting for me.

"Good, you're awake. Its time for you to leave" the queen was standing with a grim look.

"What?" I managed. 

"Didnt Evangaline tell you? You're going to deliver a notice of war to the North" 

"I cant" my knees got weak. 

"I'm sorry, but you have to. Otherwise our messangers would be in danger" 

"I cant go... Please no...." I begged. I cant face Lilian. I cant see her.

"I am truely sorry for making you do this. Please follow me" The queen muttered. She started walking and I knew I would go one way or another, so I went on my own will, my heart already sore with anticipation.

The queen helped me into a light armor, and showed me to my band. Five men. And this is all I'm given to go against Lilian? 

"If you're preparing to fight you need more men" I muttered. I know her, or I thought I did. But I am sure of her power. I've seen Lilian hunt and fight, and five men would be nothing to her, not to mention she'd have her protection from the Northern Guardians. 

"We are not going for a fight. You are going to deliver a message" 

"She will kill our messangers. Five is no fight. Twenty is defence. Against Lilian and the North? We dont stand a chance" I snorted. 

"Twenty is a threat, not a peaceful message of warning"

"Not to her. She can outmatch ten men with ease"

"So can you"

"I cant fight her"

"And there is your motive not to provoke her"

"You are putting my life and the life of others on the line with the hopes I can please the North? WIth a war decree? Forgive me, but this is madness"

"You will have to trust that I've considered these complications and reasolved them to the best of my ability"

"I cant. I know my life is not much to risk"

"But it is. If not to the kingdom, then to Evangaline" with that the queen sealed off any chance of me asking what she meant. "I want you off Akyra unless you need her to defend your lives. You leave now" she walked away, leaving me about to leave for an... Interesting journey to say the least. This is life or death, and the odds fall into the latter.