The Shield One Shots Book 2!

Death Wish Pt8/Ambrollins

Dean Ambrose; one-third of The Shield, sat on the edge of his bed, playing with the full bottle of prescription pills in his hand. He was feeling so lost and he was so damn tired of the constant battle going on in his head; he just wanted everything to stop! He sighed shakily, as he heard the voices of his two best friends...brothers and Shield stablemates Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins; the man Dean loved, talking downstairs. He closed his eyes and squeezed the pill bottle so tight; he thought he'd break it. He opened his eyes again, before he got up and still holding the pill bottle, he began to pace. As he did he thought about his brothers and the Hell he's gone through fighting his demons.

For the past few months, Dean dreaded the thought of being alone with his mind. Ever since his thoughts turned against him and he struggled with Demons he thought he had gotten rid of years ago! He was depressed and on edge, he had tried everything to shut the voices in his head up...everything, but tell his brothers. He just didn't give a damn about anything anymore, but continued faking it for Seth and Roman. The worst part about the whole thing was that for a long time now Dean's been in love with Seth! He never told either of his brothers though, knowing Seth would never love someone like him and since his downward slide into depression, the voices cruelly reminded him of that.

So, unable to end everything himself, he began to take careless risks in the ring knowing something could go wrong, but it never did! Of course, his brothers noticed and concerned talked to him about it, but he easily lied and they'd believe whatever he'd tell them. One thing that neither of his brothers knew about was his secret cutting, he was ashamed of it, but needed the release; he only did it when the voices got too loud for him to ignore and it helped shut them up for a while. He only did it on his legs, a place no one saw and he was able to keep it hidden.

A few weeks ago after he took more careless risks in the ring and got himself injured during a match; The Shield versus The New Day, Seth and Roman confronted him in their locker room, but Dean continued lying and they let it go. Days after the confrontation, Dean's battle continued; he had managed to keep the voices quiet for a while after his brothers had had another talk with him. He had even stopped cutting since the talk, but like always the voices returned. Weeks ago; after lying to his brothers to get out of hanging out with them and Roman's cousins Jimmy and Jey, Dean was alone in their hotel room. He had fought with the voices for an hour and was completely drained. He had changed for bed, but his mind wouldn't shut down long enough for him to sleep. He paced the room, talking to himself, he began to cry and in his emotional state, he lost it and began throwing things, trashing the room. Still crying, he went to his bag and dug through it until he found the small box that held his razor. Hating himself for being so weak, he went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him; but he forgot to lock it. He then sat on the floor by the sink and opened the box, taking out the razor with shaky fingers. This time instead of cutting on his legs, he did it on his arms, not caring he'd have to cover them up the next day, until they healed. He just wanted...needed the pain to stop!

Roman and Seth returned to the room and found it trashed and Dean gone! Scared they began looking for him, calling his name. Seth found him in the bathroom; he grabbed towels seeing the blood and rushed to him, as he called out to Roman. When they asked him why he did it Dean didn't answer and they took him to the hospital. After arriving, thankfully Seth and Roman weren't allowed to be with him while he got checked out. After talking to the Doctor, Dean's arms were cleaned and stitched up, before he was admitted to the hospital overnight for observations. He refused to talk to his brothers about what happened, he just lay in his bed silently, staring at the wall wishing they'd leave him alone.