Unsaid

chapter thirty six

I brushed off any of Bens questions later on about Niall. Never in my entire life had I felt so disgusted with myself, if I had known myself as someone else, I would avoid them, but here I am, lying to my boyfriend, whilst im loving someone else.

"Just as long as he hasn't been bothering you Sophie." Ben sighed as he walked towards my front door with me, somehow he'd stayed for dinner, and dessert, which was unusual for Ben to do on a weekday.

"No, I can deal with Niall." I said placing a smile on my face. "He's not a problem." I lied, he smiled believing me. Bens hand slipped down my arm connecting our hands as he leant in connecting our lips gently.

It was a nice warm kiss, but no comparison to his.

"I love you Sophie." Ben smiled as he straightened up, I smiled a genuine smile as I nodded.

"I know." I smiled, I meant to say that I loved him too but the words got changed half way out of my mouth, Ben noticed as his eyebrows dropped and his lips twitched slightly. "I mean, I love you too, I know you love me and I love you too." I gabbled as Ben pressed his lips together nodding.

"I understand." He smiled gently as he opened the door and took a step outside. I wrapped my arms around my chest as I looked up at the cloudy dark sky.

"Looks like the good weathers gone until next year." Ben chatted as I nodded unsure of why we were making small talk. "Anyway, I'll see you later Sophie." And that was it, he had taken off down the drive way, disappearing in to the darkness, leaving me alone on my porch.

I closed the door behind me and took silent steps up to my bed room.

"Has Ben gone?" I turned around to see my brother poking his head out of his bedroom door as I rose an eyebrow, taking another step closer to my door.

"Yes, he had to get home." I mumbled unsure of why after 48 hours he decided to talk to me now.

"He doesn't know about Niall?" he asked making his full body visible stepping away from the cover of his bedroom door.

"There's nothing to know." I sighed remembering how I left things with Niall earlier. "I finished it with Niall, I'm sure you'd be happy to know." I snapped quietly.

"Well of course I'm not happy about it Sophie, because I know that, that's not what you want." The corner of his lip curled in to a somewhat sympathetic smile as I shook it off.

"Well its done now, it wasn't good for anyone." I said quietly as I walked in to my bedroom leaving my brother in the hall way.

I brought myself up on to my window sill seat, pulling my book from the opposite end and almost cradling it in my hand.

A book was such a beautiful piece of art, not the illustrations, but the feel, the smell of a book and the way it makes you feel when you open it and crack the spine. The way the words make your mind dance, just different rearrangements of 26 letters that can make up a story that can be understood a thousand different ways.

One day, secretly, I imagined holding my own book. That very first printed copy, cracking the spine open and seeing in front of me, words that I had fathomed together, creating a story that people will take time to read and interpret. Its farfetched, beyond farfetched, only something I can imagine.

Wendy had only made it half way to never land, following Peters trail of pixy dust, when a crash against my window caused me to drop the book to the ground as I sat straight looking around.

Then it happened again, something hit my window. I moved away scared of what lay beyond the darkness, as another thing hit my window. I took a cautious step forward trying to peer at what was causing the damage.