Lady (Rated M)

Guilty Consience

Stevie couldn't look at him, she couldn't speak to him, she couldn't even stand to be in the same room as him, guilt wracking her body as she hid in their bedroom. She listened to him moving around in the other room, burying herself further under the covers, wishing a hole would swallow her into the ground.

She heard the door to their bedroom open, his footsteps coming along then feeling the bed shift as he sat down next to her.

"Stevie?" Joe gently reached out to touch her shoulder, squeezing lightly.

"Hmm?" She lay away from him, her back turned towards him as she drew the covers over her head.

"Do you want to go to the beach for a little bit before you have to work tonight? Richard and Don will be there, so will a couple other people."

      "No."

   Joe sighed, squeezing her shoulder through the blankets. "Baby what's the matter?"

   "I just don't feel good Joe." She couldn't bring herself too look at him, in fear she'd break down. She stayed hidden, wishing he would just go away.

    He let out another sigh in defeat. "Alright, do you need me to get you anything?"

   She shook her head through the covers.

   "I love you."

   She didn't respond and he frowned, Stevie feeling the bed shift as he got up to leave.

  "Joe?" She poked her head through the covers, seeing him looking at her expectantly. It took everything she had to not break down right then and there. "I love you too."

    Her voice was smaller than she'd like it to be, not even convincing herself of the words she just said.

   He just simply nodded, shutting the door behind him.

   Stevie rolled on her back, starring up at the ceilings as her thoughts twisted in her brain.

    She couldn't get that night out of her head, replaying it over and over in her memory.

   She didn't know wether to be ashamed or hateful towards herself, a mixture of both settling in the pit of stomach. She reached for the landline next to their bed, dialing the number she knew by heart and putting the phone to her ear, listening to the dial tone.

   Her hands were shaking, feeling as if she was going throw up when she heard the phone pick up.

  "Hello?"

   "Mama it's me."

   "Oh sweet girl!" Barbara's voice filled her ears, tears welling up in her eyes. "How are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a while."

       "I'm sorry mom, things have been hectic out here."

      "It's ok sweetheart, how are things? How's Joe?"

       She didn't know what to say. Things were great? That would be the worst lie she'd ever told. She couldn't tell her mother she was stripping down to nothing every night and dancing for men just to keep food on the table, and she couldn't tell her the rift between her and Joe.

   "Stevie?" Barbara questioned and Stevie realized she'd been silent way too long.

   Tears fell down her cheeks, her voice cracking as she tried to speak. "Mama I did something really bad."

   "What is it sweetheart?"

   She couldn't speak, her tears falling harder.

   "Stevie?"

   "I cheated on Joe." She heard her mother sigh heavily through the phone.

  "What happened baby?"

    "We got into a fight, mom I-I, I lost a baby and I couldn't take it. We were yelling and being so spiteful towards one another."

   "Stevie why didn't you tell me any of this?"

   "I didn't think I could."

  "Sweetheart, this is really heavy stuff to have to keep to yourself."

  Stevie sniffled, wiping her nose. "I know."

  "I wish you would come home, Stevie you sound miserable out there."

   "Mama I can't."

  "Why not?"

    "Because we're making music, we meet a few people and they've been helping us out a bit, getting our music out to a couple of producers."

   "But is it worth your sanity?"

   Stevie didn't know how to answer that one.

   "Mom I am so tired, I usually don't get home from the club until three am, I'm exhausted-"

   "Club? What club?"

   Stevie mentally cursed herself, realizing she'd let out a tiny detail she didn't want her mother to know.

    "The diner shut down, I've been bartending at a club downtown." She lied, she couldn't tell her mother the truth.

   "Bartending? Good lord Stephanie Lynn that's almost as bad as being a stripper."

   Stevie felt all the air leave her body, tears burning her eyes.

   "Mama I have to go."

    "Are you ok?"

   "I'm fine, I'll call you later ok?"

  "Alright, I love you."

   "I love you too." She quickly hung up, tossing the phone aside and curling into a ball.

   She didn't have anyone to turn to, no one to talk to. She had never felt so lonely before, the only person she could tell everything too she'd betrayed unbeknownst to his knowledge.

She couldn't even bare to look around the room they shared, burying herself under the covers once again, curling into a ball as she sobbed, crying until her eyes hurt, falling into a fitful sleep.