My Head or My Heart?

Chapter 12

I surprisingly slept like a fucking baby, which to me is not good. I am going to assume it's because of the intensity of my release. It drained the hell out of me. I woke up and stretched, something hit my leg and I realized I had not put away the evidence of my time with myself.

You mean your time with Nico, ya nasty... my conscious screamed at me.

I hurriedly put the lube away and went to wash off "old faithful." I put everything away and ran a bath, I needed to soak away my sins and my soreness. It's so unfortunate to say the soreness felt so good. I threw in some Epsom salt and got in and relaxed. I just kept running my life through my head. I can't understand what it is about Nico that makes me become someone else. I have so much to lose by toying with the possibilities. I constantly chant that I won't be that girl and yet I was so fucking turned on I couldn't tell I wasn't even talking to my own boyfriend. Who does that?! I sighed, highly frustrated. I closed my eyes and just let my surroundings fade away along with my thoughts and just let everything be for the moment while I enjoyed the sting from the hot water. After I got a little pruney I got out and lotioned up. I threw on a big shirt and some shorts and went to heat up the food Luca made. He was such an amazing man I thought to myself as I ate. I put the dishes away and realized I needed to have a talk with Nico immediately. I ran upstairs and grabbed my phone. This shit has got to stop.

I hovered my thumb over the unsaved number for a moment and finally got the balls to swipe right to call him. It rang about three times. I was about to say fuck it when he answered.

"Hello?" His deep voice came through the line. It was raspy and sounded so sexy. Shit, I might have woken him up. 

"Hey, um, sorry if I woke you up. It's Jaya." I heard him chuckle. Damn..

"You can wake me up anytime Jaya. Hearing your voice as I wake up just made my day." I'm so about to ruin that day. I thought to myself.

"Do you have time to meet me before work. I think we need to talk." I said as serious as I could but it came out very breathy and uneven. 

"Yea, when and where?" He sounded like he was stretching. 

"How about the café on Third? In like an hour?" I was getting so annoyed with myself for not sounded like my usual confident self. I would have to rectify that before I saw him because I had to shut this down. I had to. There was no other way this could go. 

"I can do that. I'll see you there Jaya." He hung up. He sounded so happy that I felt a pit in my stomach at the thought of ruining that.

I got up and got my things for work ready and put them in a bag to change into after meeting with him because I wasn't sure if I would make it home or not before it was time to leave. I dicked around wasting time today. I stood in my closet trying to figure out the most appropriate thing to wear. Everything I can across seemed misleading and I didn't want him to think I got sexy for him. I also didn't want to wear anything too revealing. I needed him to focus. I grabbed my light blue ripped jeans and slid them on after putting on my black lace panties. I grabbed the matching bra and grabbed a white fitted tank top and my black blazer going for the dressy casual look. I eyed my shoes and couldn't resist my nude closed toe pumps. I loved wearing heels when I wasn't working, unless I was attending a bullshit staff meeting. Might be because I was in comfy shoes throughout my shift that I didn't mind the small discomfort in wearing heels when I went out. I completed my outfit with a few spritz of perfume and brick red lipstick. I put my hair in a ponytail and then thought against it and dramatically shook my hair out to have that messy look I loved so much. I grabbed my stuff and stopped to leave a note for Luca just in case he came home, which I doubted.