The Destitute Queen || h.s. au

72. Milena

What have I done to deserve this? As far as I know, I'm a good person. Good people shouldn't have tortured souls.

I don't know how or why, but Niall is back. He's back, and so are the memories of our lives together. My old life is slowly crawling back to me, but I don't want it. I have more than enough trouble to deal with, and now I'm reunited with the man I forced myself to forget about, and he hates me.

The look on his face when I saw him, it wasn't the look of someone who missed me. It was the look of someone who's been betrayed, and it's all my fault. I shouldn't have let myself be free of the guilt. This is what I get for trying to be happy, I suppose.

"Lena!" A voice calls out, tearing my eyes and my thoughts away from Niall. I turn to the source of the voice, only to see Harry running up to me. "I heard what happened, are you alright?"

I nod, not wanting to look at him. I can't bear to see his face after the news we just got. "I'm fine. Just wasn't feeling well, I suppose. But I'm fine now."

"Good," He breathes with a smile. How can he seem so happy? Then, he looks around and clears his throat. "Um, I-I'm happy that you're alright, I care deeply about our servants and it would pain me to see one fall ill."

Alec suddenly speaks up. "Niall, can I speak with you for a moment?"

Niall nods, giving me one last subtle glare before walking to the other side of the room with Alec. As soon as they're far, Harry looks back at me and takes a seat on the bed.

"Are you sure you're well?" He asks, and I nod. That's when I realize I've been playing with my necklace for a while, the necklace that I was going to get rid of. I can't get rid of it now, I just can't.

"Yes," I quietly respond, staring down at the blanket over my lap.

"Damn it, I should've brought you some chocolate," He laughs, and I can't help but chuckle. My smile disappears as quickly as it came. "That would've made you feel better, huh?"

"Not really in the mood for chocolate," I tell him the truth. Just thinking of eating anything makes me nauseous.

"Oh, I nearly forgot about your surprise," Harry states. "I have something for you, and I was going to give you the surprise when we meet up tonight. You still coming to my room?"

"Maybe, if I'm feeling alright," I say. To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm going to go to his room tonight. He seems unfazed by the announcement, like the fact that he's getting married in one week doesn't bother him. But it's all I can think about. I don't think I can carry on like this for much longer.

"It would probably be better to come at night," he suggests. "I think you'll love the surprise."

"I'm sure I will," I say, playing with my fingers and looking down at my lap again. Whatever the surprise is, I'll never find out. I'm not going to his room tonight. This must end at some point and, if I go to his room tonight, I'll never be strong enough to put a stop to what we have.

Harry clears his throat. "Hey, Lena-"

"Don't call me that," I suddenly interrupt him. Up until I was brought here, the only one who would call me that is Niall. It sounds wrong coming from someone else's mouth.  

"What?" He asks, frowning. I hate to see my poor Harry frowning, but I have no will to take that frown away.

"Don't call me 'Lena'," I squeeze my eyes shut, the mere mention of that name physically hurting me. I can't be Lena anymore. The name who loved Niall will not be the name who loves Harry. "Use my real name."