A Story of Love

Chapter 13: Troubles Start Now

Anna

I’ve been staring at this white paper for the longest time. This paper will be the fate of my dreams. By the time I let go of this paper, I will temporarily forget about my dream of being a preschool teacher.

My mouth heaved out of a heavy sigh and started to fold the paper. There’s an unknown feeling in my heart. I can’t seem to explain it, whether it’s a bad or good feeling. I held the folded piece of paper with my two hands and closed my eyes.

It’s my resignation letter.

The school year is now officially over. I am now five months on the way. I laid my hand on top of my tummy where a bump is already evident.

I tried to remember how I wanted this and how much I am willing to give up for this. I weighed all my pros and cons of my decisions.

“Honey? Are you alright?” I heard Jeric from the back.

I snapped my eyes open and noticed that I am almost crumpling the paper close to my heart. I turned to face Jeric and smiled.

“Yes hon. I’m okay.” I said.

“You don’t look okay. C’mon tell me,” Jeric insisted.

I opted not to say something. He sat beside and saw the paper which he took from my hand when I continued to be silent.

He read it and turned to me. He pulled me closer by my waist.

“You know you really don’t have to do this, right?” He said and rested his chin on my shoulders.

“No.” I answered shortly. Jeric lifted his head to face me.

“Babe, everybody understands. They’re not judging you. They’re actually happy for you. Some of the parents even volunteered to be godparents. You don’t have to do this,” Jeric said.

“This is for my peace of mind, Jec.” I told him the truth. “They might not be judging me but I’m judging myself.”

“Anna, why are you thinking like that?” Jeric asked with a hint of annoyance. He face has this why-do-we-keep-on-coming-back-to-this-issue look.

“I’m sorry.” I busied myself looking at the floor.

 “Anna, your pregnancy might have come unexpected but it’s not a mistake. It will never be. I love you and the baby inside you. So stop thinking like you’re scandalizing yourself because you’re not. People are actually happy for you. When will you start realizing that?” He said.

“Jec, I just can’t…” I started.

“Anna,” he warned. He let go of my waist and sat up straight beside me.

“Let me finish first,” I told him. He stopped and waited for me to complete my sentence.

“I’ve been raised by my parents in… you know… the old fashion way. And our situation right now is kind of not the old fashion way. And I’m not comfortable… Well… I love you…” I stammered. I can’t seem to put into words all my worries.

“Anna, you’re worried because you got pregnant before you got married and you’re living with a man who’s not your husband,” Jeric said it for me.

He was right. That’s exactly what I’m thinking. But the look on his face made me feel guilty. I tried to open my mouth but he stopped me.

“Don’t deny it. I know that’s what’s bothering you.” Jeric said. I looked down.

“Ayaw mo naman kasi akong pakasalan,” he said it like he was trying to lighten up the mood but he didn’t. I know I’ve hurt his feelings.

“Jec…” I called him.