cold ❀ joshler | bryler

cold ❀ thirty three

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[年齢 17/16] (1/?)

the winter passed slowly for tyler. joshua had gone back home, and they were yet again stuck typing and calling in order to even communicate. but today, that wasn't tyler's concern.

that wasn't tyler's concern at all.

brendon's mother was taken off life support two days ago. she wasn't functioning at all anymore, and she could barely open her eyes. when she did, she didn't look at whoever was talking to her. it was like she was suffering, so brendon and his mom made the decision to take her out of her misery. there was no way to help her anyway, she was just there.

"you look so handsome," tyler said to brendon, a light smile on his face, "i know nothing i say could possibly make you feel better, but she loved you so, so much, and if she could see you know, she'd be glad you're keeping it together."

it was her funeral today.

brendon didn't want to go. he really didn't. he didn't want another reminder that his mother couldn't be saved.

"trust me tyler, i'm not keeping it together," he said wearily. the worst part about this to brendon was the fact that every day that he went to visit her, he saw her life slowly dying away.

it fucking sucked.

tyler opened his arms, and brendon hugged his best friend. tyler felt brendon's breath waver. he had been concerned that brendon hadn't cried yet, and he was hoping he would later. it really wasn't healthy not to cry.

tyler was wearing a simple black sweater and black jeans. brendon was wearing a black shirt and jacket, along with black sweatpants. tyler basically had to drag him out of bed to go, and he had to force him to get dressed. he knew it was kind of wrong to force it, but he knew that brendon would regret it if he didn't go. he would hate himself later for not showing up. so they made a deal that he would only stay for the burial, and then he could leave and sulk in his bed again.

"we're already quite late," tyler whispered, unraveling themselves from each other. he stuck out his hand to brendon, "are you ready?"

brendon nodded, taking tyler's hand, which he held all the way there.

❀

"she was so sweet, she was accepting and caring no matter what i thought or did," brendon's mother cried at the podium. "when i had my surgery, she didn't say anything hurtful or awful at all, she wasn't expecting me to want to, but she cared nonetheless, and made me feel so loved."

brendon had no tears still. it worried tyler. he remembered when he was at his worst, he looked up some symptoms for depression.

not crying during anything, especially something tragic, was one of them.

he wasn't for sure, but tyler was definitely worried. tyler had to wipe the stray tears from his face before they left marks.

it really was pretty where she was being buried. right under a tree, and since it was autumn, the leaves were falling, and they were bright orange. the sun was setting, matching the many leaves surrounding the area. in any other day, tyler would have said about how pretty they were. but he didn't

today he said nothing. because to brendon nothing was pretty. nothing was good, or happy, or even interesting.

everything was just everything.

tyler was surprised the burial wasn't on the news. the best transgender lawyer's wife had just died, you'd expect it to be at least local. but it wasn't. tyler didn't know if that was good or bad. insulting or caring.

"do you want to say.. goodbye..?" tyler whispered. the memorial was over, the burial was happening in a matter of minutes, and there was time to talk and say goodbye to the body.

"no," he said, shaking his head. he slouched in the uncomfortable plastic chair, crossing his arms.

"brendon.. it's your mom."

"no it's really not," he said, "it's her shell. she isn't human anymore, she's a corpse."

tyler turned his head to him, brendon didn't look. tyler grabbed his hand, squeezing it a bit, "please."

brendon rolled his eyes, because he already knew that tyler would persuade him somehow. he sighed before getting up, stuffing his hands in his pockets, making tyler hold onto his arm for comfort.

when brendon spoke to the body of his mother, he cried.

❀

"are you okay? why didn't you talk to me yesterday?" josh asked, concern stuck in his mind since yesterday. josh looked to the young boy's face, puffy red eyes. he hadn't told josh

"brendon's mom died, and the funeral was yesterday," tyler said. tyler was using his laptop sat on top of his bed to skype his lover, he wished he could talk to him in person. for josh to hold him, especially at a time like this.

"oh jesus, i'm so sorry, ty. send my condolences to brendon, too." tyler smiled at josh. even though brendon and josh hated each other, josh was still caring and sweet. it made tyler's heart throb in his chest.

"you know i love you so much, right?" tyler said, lowering his face in his sweater a little from embarrassment.

"awe," josh cooed at his boyfriend. he couldn't be happier than moments like these, despite everything happening behind them, "i love you so much more, baby."

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