Alpha King's Mate

23. Heartache

     My eyes flicker open.

The alarm clock beside me with its dim blue light reads the time, three a.m. My arms are under my pillow, upon which my head rests. I lay flat on my stomach with my head turned to my right. I am on Zac's side of the bed.

By the lack of warmth radiating from my left I can tell that Zac is not sleeping beside me. I turn my head and sure enough I am correct in my assumption.

The sheets are a mess and only cover my feet, as they are in a clump at the end of the bed. I probably kicked them off of me.

I stare at the empty half of the room. The blue light from the alarm clock is enough for a person to be able to navigate once fully awake, but is dim enough for comfort. The other light source comes through the balcony doors, from the light of the moon.

I sigh and close my eyes. Perhaps focusing on nothing at all will help me return to sleep? I try my best to clear my head but nothing comes of it so I stand and make my way to the balcony doors.

I open the doors and the night air surrounds me. My skin prickles with small goosebumps as I stroll out onto the balcony.

My hands graze the stone ledge and I press my body to it. I look out into the dark distance, at the dense forest which surrounds the palace completely, and only is cut through where the roads head toward the town and toward the way home.

My heart instantly aches at the thought of home. My poor mother and father, hundreds of miles away from their only remaining child, having lost their first daughter to rogues. I miss them incredibly. Surely things would have been much simpler back there, where I was the daughter of the strong but kind Alpha and Luna.

I was respected and loved by my people. I was desired and obeyed and dignified. Here I am an inconvenience, a disappointment, a less than perfect being.

As a child, it was times like these when I would weep for my sister. Julia was the person I could always count on to support me and love me and hug me tightly when I needed her most. She was my best friend. Then she died. I cannot weep for her anymore, for every day she becomes an even more distant memory. But I can remind myself of all the reasons I loved her every day, so maybe she won't fade completely.

The stars in the sky stretch eternally in the horizon, the horizon I will not be able to explore. To think people envy the Queen.

Once I found Zac, thought my life would be the most happy, luxurious, easy thing. He was the King and my mate after all. We would be taken care of, we would rule justly, we would love each other.

Now, I am unsure of it all.

All except one thing.

I love him.

I love him so much that my heart aches with him sleeping in his office, as much as it does with my parents hundreds of miles away. I love him so much that every fiber of my being, beside my brain, is screaming at me to run to him right now. I love him so much that I could forgive all of the past just to hear him say those three words back to me. I love him so much that I am going out of my mind because of all that has unfolded within the past twenty four hours.

He has treated me like I am everything to him, he has treated me as his equal, he has treated me as his friend, he has treated me understandingly, he has treated me as he should.

But, he has also betrayed me, humiliated me, refused to come to my defense, and made me hate myself for hating him.

What has this man done to me?

He is all I think about, he is my soulmate, my protector, and I am drawn to him like a magnet. I'm starving for him to come to me right now and hold me and apologize and tell me he loves me. My wolf is ravenous for her mate to finally mark us.

I don't know how fast I can forgive him, but for now, what I need is simply his presence.

So, I go to his office.