Alpha King's Mate

13. What Lies Inside

     Zac stands still, glaring down at the man kneeling before him. He stands and stares for a good while, until all at once, in one swift motion, he snaps the man's neck.

     I gasp and watch in horror as the rebel leader's lifeless body collapses.

     I sit up in bed with a jolt, screaming and crying as I tuck my knees to my chest. Rocking back and forth, shaking, I wail, trying to rid my mind from the violent memory.

     The door slams open and in a flash a hand grazes the cold skin on my shoulder. I scream again and jump to the opposite side of the bed in fear, staring at him. His hard expression softens when he sees the frightened girl in front of him.

     "Olivia, please," he begs and starts to step around the bed.

     "Stay away from me!" I shout at him, my hot tears of anger clouding my sight.

     He is confused, I haven't spoken to him in days. After he killed the rogue leader he has been really busy with work and planning for another attack and his retaliation. I have been left to reminisce over all that has happened, and I came to an abrupt realization: I don't even know him. I know nothing about his family, his childhood, his friends, his enemies, his thoughts, his life, his past girlfriends, his plans for the future, or how many people he has killed.

     All I do know, is that he murdered a man, snapped his neck right in front of me. Then turned away without a second glance, a second though, a sliver of apparent remorse for taking a life. Sure, that man had killed one of Zac's subjects, something horrible, but if violence is punished with more violence, that is just a vicious cycle. Anyway, we are supposed to be the good guys. Aren't we?

    "Are you," he hesitates, unsure of himself, but obviously sure enough to ask. "Are you afraid of me?"

     I suck in a deep breath. Am I afraid of him? I know that he would never hurt me, he wouldn't lay a hand on me in anger or sadness or even hatred, but do I know if he would to someone else? Perhaps even someone I love?

     "No," I shake my head, glaring at him. "I am afraid of your power."

     He looks even more confused now that he did before.

     "You killed that man," I remind him angrily. "You murdered him and just walked away."

     "He had just killed a teenaged boy," he raises his voice, growing mad. "Should I have provided him with a long and happy life?"

     "You shouldn't have snapped his neck."

     "What I shouldn't have done is expected you to understand, you are a child."

     I go silent. So that is how he sees me, a child. The only reason he keeps me around is because I am his mate. I grow even angrier somehow, only increasing the red hot tears flowing down my cheeks.

     "Okay," I sit down on the bed and stare down at my hands.

     Maybe he is right, maybe I am overreacting and none of this is a big deal, maybe I have no say in any of this. After all, Zac is the King and Kings have to make hard decisions to show power and strength. But even then, I can't think about how his anger fueled him to kill.

     "Olivia," he sighs out as he walks around the bed, kneeling on the floor in front of me, gazing into my eyes with those beautiful brown ones he has.  "I'm sorry. You aren't a child, you are a beautiful strong woman, who is one of the only people who stands against me when I am wrong. But there is something you have to know, I should have told you that morning, but i wanted to protect you."

     "What?" I ask, wiping my tears away.

     "That morning I declared war on the rebellion," he tells me and my eyes widen. He sighs in remorse. "They came here, ready to storm the palace because I hadn't complied with their demands. They were coming to kill everyone here, and once we all were dead, they were going to rule my kingdom with ruthlessness. I had to kill the leader, it was wrong, but the only way to win wars is to fight and strike fear into your enemies."

     I understand. My father, as Alpha, taught me how wars are won, how to fight, and how to kill, if it ever came to it. All of the children in my pack were trained for battle, because battle was and always is inevitable in the world we live in. People get killed, people die.

     "Please, say something," Zac begs. "I can't live with you afraid of what i might do, I don't just kill. I only do it if I have to, if there is no other option, in battle-"

     "We were not in battle," I state, having made up my mind. I look at his face. "I forgive you, I understand why you did it, I just need you to promise me one thing."

     "What?"

     "If we are not in battle, if we have contained our enemies, if there is another way, promise me that you will spare what lives you can." I beg.

     He seems disappointed, as if I have let him down. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not suited to be in charge in these life or death situations. Will this ethical dilemma prevent me from becoming a good queen? I can tell he fundamentally disagrees with me, that, in his mind, violence is often the only option. A part of me agrees, but the elasticity of the phrase "only when necessary" was a comfort I had to allow myself. I had to ease into this, I never thought I'd be out in the position where ethics and politics would clash and I'd be forced to re-examine my pacifistic views.

     "I promise," he nods and I sink down on top of him, letting him hold me and run his hands through my hair.