Yes, Ms. Robinson : Book 1

Sapphire Baby

ASHLEY POV

I had always thought that if I had children they'd bury my first and I would be old as hell,  wrinkly in fact and lost all my beauty.  But today I was burying my child. There wasn't much to speak about,  no one talked.

My daughter had a crystal glass case and was in a dress.  A white one with frills,  bows and silk sashes. I had asked for pink roses to be adorned on her stretching headband.  She was precious.

She had on Ruby slippers as well.  Virginia was peaceful.

I wouldn't let me children come to the funeral just my father,  Lana,  Eliza,  Salome and I. I couldn't bring myself to drop roses on my daughter's casket.  I had just sat there as the pain within me bought out a trillion tears at once.

There couldn't be a God.  No God would've done this to me,  no God would have let me suffer this much after having my wife being kidnapped and we both being raped.  There was no way a fate could be so merciless.

I wanted her back inside me,  I wanted her too tiny body to keep growing.  I don't care about the pain!  I'd go through it again to have her alive.

I was slumped over her casket after I had fallen ; not being able to have much control and weak legged.  My face was to hers. "Vir- Virginia please!" I was banging on the casket in hopes that my child had just been playing peek a boo with me.  "come back! You can not leave me here! Do something!  You all must bring her back to me!"  I looked up at my family.  The people with sad and compassionate eyes. Yelling at them.

I was sobbing, an ugly and blubbering mess.  I am hideous.  Crying over the glass when it should have been me! Why couldn't it have been me? I've experienced everything in life. She didn't experience how to breathe,  she didn't hear my voice.  "take me with you!" 

"That's it!" Eliza rose her voice.  She pulls me back up from my baby but I grab for the casket.  Then again Eliza is to strong and her hold is keeping me from going to her. "there is nothing we can do Ashley! NOTHING!"

But that wasn't true.  "all the fucking money you have and you're saying you can't bring our   daughter back to life?!" but then again but even all the money can buy love or bring someone back to life. I was fucked.

She didn't answer because she knew I know that she knows there isn't shit we can do for Virginia. But I don't stop trying to reach for her.  I kick,  scratch and bite Eliza out of pure anger.

"Bury her!" my father demands. "now!"

"No!" I am a screaming.  Any moment to lose my voice. Eliza covers my eyes with one hand and has her arm around my waist to keep me restrained. 

In a calm voice which I didn't care for too much she tells her ; "we've done it all,  you have to be strong enough for Wolfgang and Dallas? You're not being a very good mother.  I know you're in mourning, I am too.  I wanted her in this world just as much as you did not we have to let go." 

Let go? Let go! Let go?! I growled "you don't know anything now get your hands from my eyes!" I wanted to see. I knew I was irrational and that my family wanted me to only get better. They saw me falling. 

I was being turned around and my feet were scraping across the gravel.  "I'm so sorry," she apologized. Only thing I wanted now more than anything was pain! I wanted to feel more pain, real abusing pain.  I needed someone to give me that pain and I could only rely on her for this.

"You're not a good person at all Eliza, you're a horrible person."  but I couldn't judge. I was cheating on my fiancee. with two different people. That's probably why I lost my own child. Being a whore and whatnot.