Disremembered (Fourtris story)

Chapter 9: Revelations

*Tobias POV*

There have been a few times where I have walked up to the gang, and upon my arrival they immediately change the topic of conversation. I am beginning to feel paranoid, they tell me that they want me to be a part of their lives. All of them have even taken temporary roles at the bureau to be liaisons with Chicago – were we are all from. I sometimes wonder if they are either waiting for me to want to return to Chicago...or they just want to make sure I am really settled and safe at the bureau before they leave.

So when it happened again today – I finally had enough. "Don't let me interrupt the obviously private conversation you have going, I am just going to eat at another table. Carry on." I turn to walk away.

"No Four! I mean Tobias..." Zeke sighs while looking around the table at Christina, Cara and Caleb. "That is it guys – we have to bring him in. He is as much a part of this as anyone of us." I hear Christina scoff, in her *charming* way.

"Tonight – we lay it all out." Zeke proceeds to tell me that we will meet up again at 1am in part of the bureau that is not in use, I know from my job in surveillance that we don't even monitor that area. For the first time ever, I am anxious to get answers about my past. Something I hadn't felt until this point.

What feels like an eternity later, I arrive to a dark hallway and Zeke is there to greet me. I wonder if he is meeting me first, to make sure I am alone. I can't help but wonder what the hell this is about. As I follow Zeke into an old conference room I look around to see who is present. I was expecting the gang from lunch – Zeke of course, Christina, Caleb and Cara...and then my eyes land on Matthew and Nita. My mouth drops open at the sight of Nita. She gives me a small reassuring smile.

Over the next hour I sit at the table an attempt to absorb all that they, correction – all that WE have done. Everything. The first explosion, I note how Nita's usually confident tone waivers for a moment – she is so sorry for what happened. I also notice that Zeke won't even look at her. His brother is gone, and never coming back. At first I am horrified, my brain wants to tune them out and pretend this conversation never happened. But I also see their side – it was noble what they did. It had to be done. I also notice how Caleb keeps watching me, he looks so uncomfortable.

As the meeting starts winding down, Caleb clears his throat and speaks directly to me, "Tobias. I have to say this. It is about Tris..."

It is Cara who speaks up, asking the group to give Caleb and me privacy to have this conversation. Everyone agrees and quickly exit the room.

I brace myself for what is coming next. Part of me wants to interrupt and remind him – I don't feel anything when it comes to Tris. Is it sad? I guess? But what does it really matter, she is gone.

Caleb finds his voice, he explains to me what happened between him and his sister – his betrayal of her. I feel myself looking at him with different eyes. Disgust even. How could he do that to his own sister, his parents as well? He admits that our relationship has never been strong, not surprising from what he is confessing to me.

And then he explains what happened that last day. How happy Tris and I were. And there was a plan we all agreed to. A plan that did not involve her getting killed. I am shocked to hear how she sacrificed herself, not only for everyone – but specifically for Caleb. Her brother that had previously betrayed her.

I just listen – and he explains he needs to redeliver her last message to me.

"Tris told me that if she didn't survive, I needed to tell you..." and he grimaces but then finishes "That she didn't want to leave you." I look at Caleb and for a moment but remain silent. The only thought going through my mind is that she could have stayed with me. But she didn't choose me. What am I supposed to do with that? Absolutely nothing. I finally nod my head, having nothing to say to him. I then glance at the clock on the wall, checking the time.

Caleb bites his lip. "Wow - I really see it now. The old you...is completely gone." The hair on the back of my neck bristles. Is he kidding me right now?

"Gee, I am sorry Caleb. Has my reaction disappointed you? What the hell do you want from me? Should I break your nose, maybe even a throat punch?" – his eyes immediately widen with fear. It takes a lot of effort on my part to not do a Christina-Style-Demeaning eye roll.

"Look, it has been a long night with a lot of information thrown at me. But yes – you are right! I don't remember HER. It is what it is. I can't pretend to be sad for all of you, Christina and now you too? I don't have it in me."

"I am sorry – I was not trying to attack you, I was just verbalizing my observation. I delivered this exact message to you once before – and the pain you were in is something that will forever be embedded in my mind. So today – your reaction was just different...non-existent even..." Caleb's voice trails off.

"That is because I am different. The sooner you all accept it, the better. Good night Caleb." I turn and storm out. I am so aggravated.

And I get up to head back to my apartment, to wait for the knock on my door that I know will come.

///////////////

And it does, I knew Nita would come and see me.

"I was not sure if you would want to see me. I know it is late, I can come back tomorrow if that is better..." Nita says while waiting in the hall. I step back and motion for her to enter. I want to get this over with, and I want answers. I pull a chair from my kitchen table and sit directly across from her wheelchair. I am ready to hear what she has to say, and I want to look her right in the eyes as she explains. The answers to the questions I have been asking her for months.

"I am sorry, I know you must feel betrayed. When the team I managed was assigned to you – it was a complete shock. No one even understood WHY this had happened to you. We did think that it could be related to your DNA...verses you having purposely used the memory serum later. At that point I didn't know then, that you and I..." Nita pauses. "That you would become such an important friend to me. And once you were – I felt so ashamed to tell you about our history, the deceit on my part. I hope you can forgive me. The group has. That is why they inoculated me, and I joined their cause before the gas was released." Nita looks at me and waits.

So many thoughts running through my mind. This girl, had caused some serious damage. It doesn't sound like I cared much for her as a person when I did have my memories intact. And then the term My New Normal crosses my mind and I finally smile at her.

"Nita, it is OK. We all have a past. I accept you for who you are today, and I value your friendship. I don't want this to come between us." I give her a warm smile and I mean it. I am willing to forget this, I even find myself thinking that I am so relieved that she was inoculated or else the Nita I know would not be here today.

Then without any warning, I feel Nita's lips gently pressing to mine, I can feel my heart beat quicken. Although a soft kiss, it is also startling. It dawns on me, this is basically my first kiss. I don't remember anything differently. I try to control myself from tensing up, but I am literally in shock.

Nita smiles at me as she slowly pulls away. "Good night Tobias." And she is able to open my front door and roll out. Leaving me with my thoughts.