The Big Five

31. Confession

"Say what now?" I said, not believing what he had said. I didn't get it. He said he did it because of me. How the heck did he do it because of me? Ditching me to be popular? That did not benefit me in any way! Did I drive him to do it? What?

He clenched his hands together and took a deep breath. He took his time explaining it to me.

"You see, Nick," his tone was that of exasperation. "This is exactly why I couldn't tell you. All those hints. All that reluctance. You never noticed?"

I looked at him like he was crazy. What was he talking about?

He sighed. "Forget this. I'm going to try to explain everything, but you gotta hear me out, okay?"

I nodded and gestured for him to continue.

"Okay. This is really hard for me to say, but....you know I've been....well, I guess you could say....crushing? On you."

"What?" I literally yelled.

He flinched slightly and scratched his head. He then brought down his palm onto his face and groaned.

"That's what I was afraid of. Nicole. I've been crushing on you for like the longest time ever. I've been hinting at it here and there, but you never seemed to notice."

I was genuinely confused. How did he do it? I never got any hints. He was Joey. I never noticed him being different or anything like that around me. Aren't you supposed to try to impress your crush? Joey never even tried.

"Don't give me that look," he sighed. "You're so oblivious. I'm gonna tell you everything right here and right now. If you don't like it, then we can forget about it in the morning and pretend I was drunk or something."

"I don't know if I can forget this," I said, millions of thoughts running through my head. Most of them were about how I didn't notice things. I really couldn't remember anything that told me that Joey liked me. Aside from being my best friend, of course.

"Yeah. Probably not. Point is, I don't want to ruin this relationship. We can't just throw away a decade's worth of friendship out the window. More than a decade."

I had to laugh at that. I didn't mean to, but considering that he ditched me for his new friends, well, it was hilarious that he would tell me not to do it.

"I know what you're thinking," he continued. "I abandoned you to become popular. That's where you're wrong. You know I feel horrible about leaving you behind, but when I thought I was going to be a," he cleared his throat, "'bad boy,' I grasped the opportunity."

"Okay," I said. "But what does that have to do with me? Aside from ditching me, of course."

Oops. I immediately regretted saying that. I saw a flash of guilt in his eyes and I knew I had only made it worse for him to tell me.

"Yeah. I get why you think that. Here's the thing. I had two reasons for doing it. One, I thought if I joined the 'popular' group, I might get over this crush and not ruin our friendship. You know, 'cause I get to hook up with some hot chicks. Get my mind off you."

I nodded and refrained from saying anything in fear of ruining his mood even further. It made sense. It sure sounded like a Joey thing to do.

"And two....was a more selfish reason, I guess you could say. In case you didn't know, which you probably don't, I began to crush on you since middle school. After you started dating...." I knew who he was talking about. He was reluctant to say that bastard's name.

"Anyway, I think that's when I realized it. I got....jealous. Yeah. Jealous. I hated him from the moment you told me how much you liked him. I thought he was everything you wanted in a guy. Badass, motorcycle, popular, having not a care in the world. I guess I thought of him as a rival. When you broke up with him...."