monachopsis (Sequel)

7. Can I ask you something?

I looked down at the floor not able to look at her.

My sight of the floor suddenly for was replaced by her growing stomach. I felt her hand lift my head up. I looked at her to see her looking at me with those gorgeous eyes of hers. "I know the floor is nice but it's not that nice." I smirked at her.

"Can I?" I said holding my hands to her. "You don't have to ask." She grabbed my wrist gently and my heart couldn't possibly beat any faster. She placed my hands on the sides of stomach. "Her foot is here. She was just kicking the shit out of me a second ago, don't be shy now." I couldn't feel anything.

"Maybe I should sit down. She usually kicks when I'm sitting." I let her go and she started waddling away I followed her into the huge living room. It's cute the way she walks I wish I could've seen all of this sooner. She sat down on the couch and waved me over. I sat on the edge of the larger coffee table and she put my hands on her again.

"That's weird... She usually is going crazy by now." She frowned.

"Maybe she's sleep." I felt something hit my hand.

"She kicked."

I couldn't help but smile. "Maybe it's the sound of your voice." This is my first time being able to feel the baby. This is real, I'm really feeling her move around. I can't believe this she's really in there and on her way.

"You okay?" I looked up at her. "Yeah why?" She wiped my face. "You're crying." The baby started kicking even more and she scrunched her face up a little. "Okay we get it your awake now." I can't get over this. I'm having a daughter, this shit is really hitting me. "What does it feel like?"

"At first it felt like butterflies, the good kind. You know that feeling when your nervous and excited at the same time? It feels like that but better. But now, it feels like she's trying to get out like she's going to bust out of me any second now. She's gotten so big, I don't think I can fit into the outfit for the baby shower."

"Why did you wait so long in the first place?" She's having her baby shower the same day as the doctors appointment. I would've tried to convince her to do it sooner but of course she didn't want to talk to me. "I was going to have it when I was seven months but I couldn't take any time from work for six weeks when I first started unless it was for doctors appointments. Then I started getting morning sickness a few weeks ago and I couldn't smell anything without throwing up. And weirdly enough I couldn't look at the color red without throwing up too. So I didn't want to be in a room full of food that I couldn't eat because of it. Now I'm fine, I'm just hoping my water doesn't break during it."

"Is that why that lady is here?"

"Yeah that's my friend Ashlynn. I've been peeing every ten minutes for a few days, and she said that happened right before her water broke with her son. So she is staying the weekend with me since she's home alone this weekend and I didn't want to be alone when my water broke." I let her stomach go and sat up. "But you're here now so." She shrugged and leaned back on the couch.

It was silent for a second until she sat up to pull her shirt down. "Since you're staying here with me I'm gonna say how I feel. Being pregnant my mind is all over the place and I may forget to say all this later or just be out the mood." I got off the coffee table and sat next to her on the couch. She turned and crossed her legs.

"Okay I'm ready." I was wondering when this was coming since she was a little to nice considering everything that's happened.

"Let me start off by saying... If I wasn't pregnant I promise you, I fuckin promise, I'd be fuckin your ass up. Not on no funny shit but I'd really leave you in a room with Keith and let him fuck you up..." I wasn't expecting this to start off this way but it's fair. "And when I push out this baby just know shit goons be so good for you." She gave me a look and for some reason I got scared. "You really fucked up and I know you're probably already beating yourself up already but I'm gonna make you feel worse, since, I never got to tell you how I felt from the last time I saw you."

I braced myself since I can feel that my feelings are about to get hurt.

"You fucked up a good thing. I want you to know that I've told you about how you get when you drink. But time and time again every time you hang out with Wayne I or someone else has to drag you out of the place. You promised me you'd never get like that since I was sick and tired of doing that shit but you did it anyway. It got you caught up with some messy ass bitch who was out for revenge. Do you understand how that video made me feel?"

"Yeah I do I-"

"No you don't! I dropped out of a college with damn near a full ride. I was on my way with a journalism degree and I was gonna start my damn life over. I stopped all that shit and stayed loyal to you this whole time. If a nigga even farted in my direction I would bounce the fuck out. I had a boyfriend when I met you. He was ready to marry me and run off into the damn sunset but you came along. He was boring as hell and you swept my ass off my feet I thought since I did that all for you you'd act right. This is not the first time you've cheated and I wonder how many other bitches you fucked behind my back."

"It was only with Nicki and Jade. That's it." Honestly I'm not even sure. Like I said before there a lot of nights I don't remember when I was on my tour with Wayne. But I'm not going to say that while she's already ready to beat my ass.

"I can't trust your word. Because you fucked Nicki's ass more than once. I really can't trust that shit now. I've put so much on the line for you. I put my family and my dreams to the side for you. And all I wanted was some loyalty, respect, and for you to give me some dick every now and then." She took a deep breath and put a hand on her back. "I just want to know what makes you cheat? I never got my answer when you cheated the first time since all you did was beat around the bush and cry for my forgiveness."

Fuck. She's bringing up old shit!

"Look bab- Ramsey, I cheated with Nicki because when we first started dating I thought I wasn't over her yet. And you wasn't like these other girls I've dated you wasn't going to let me have sex with you early in the relationship. So I used that as my excuse to go mess around with her. Plus we never had sex she just gave me head. But I realized I just missed us messing around and I realized it wasn't worth losing you over. As for the whole Jade thing... That was pure stupidity. I promised you I'd stop drinking like that and I didn't. I'm sorry ba- Ramsey I fucked up, I know that. I just want you to forgive me."

"I forgave a while ago but it's not going to stop it from hurting. My trust with you is all messed up and I don't know if it'll ever be right. I'm not going to be like one of those bitter baby mama's." She smiled a little bit. "It's all over your face that it's killing you inside. So I'm gonna leave it like that. Just because I forgave you doesn't mean shit, don't be trying to butter me up and trying to reel me back in and make me run back in your arms. It's not happening like that."

At least that's something. I thought she was going to cuss me out and throw stuff like she's done before. But I'm glad she didn't especially since she's still carrying the baby. I know it's going to be the third level of hell once she's out.

"Thank you. Can I at least hug you?"

"Fine." I leaned in to hug her and she tried to hug me but her belly is in the way. I let her go and decided to go out on a limb and ask a question that I've been wondering for a minute now.

"Since we're here, expressing our selves, and being honest. Can I ask you a question?" She yawned with a hand over her mouth.

"I guess so."

"I just wanted to know how you felt about Amir? Not so much Amir but that whole... Jade situation. I felt like through all that I never asked you how you are doing." It was like almost instantly her mood changed. "I know you told me before when I asked but you kind of brushed it off. I'm just curious to know." She picked at the lint on her shirt and bit her lip.

I didn't mean to flip the script like that. Dive I've been away from her I've been wondering about this. For some reason it's been eating at me.

"Let's get this room thing figured out shall we?" She stood up and left out the living room without answering me.

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