Vivace

Loop (ST)

30 Aug 2016
A Car, A Torch, A Death - Twenty Øne Piløts

I feel like I'm caught in a loop. Like those nightmares that you just can't escape: the ones that replay with the familiar static of a VHS tape. A vignette focus on the horrors in widescreen. A child screaming for the monster in its dream. That's how I feel now, except I remain quiet. Predisposed with droopy eyelids and baggy clothes. A broken gaze that takes your attention from my slimming face. High cheekbones that cut like a knife, permanent frown from lack of life. Dwindling away in the darkness of my room. Waking up hours past noon. The same cycle day in and day out. The days blur together I'm shocked to find out. Before I was creative, I couldn't calm down. Now I'm deflated, my lights have faded out. Stuck in this haze, my belly aches. It's sad to know that all of this could go away if I just stuffed my face.

The paragraph that started as me thinking turned into a poem I guess. I'm not going to classify it as that as I'm a bit detached at the moment. This is probably more personal than I should post but I currently have no fucks to give.

I'm hungry. Flat out, I'll admit it. Not eating right does terrible things to your body and you really start to feel the effects after a while. We don't have enough food in our house for a person my size to eat and be comfortable. We barely have anything at all but I've known people who've had it way worse than I currently do. I unfortunately have hit the point in which insufficient diet leads into depression. It's not a good look or fun time as you can tell from the first paragraph. However that's not what I'm here to say.

Please, please eat. Eat regularly, eat all food groups, eat snacks. Take care of your body and yourself. It's so important to both your physical and mental health. You do not want to be in the place I am in right now. Trust me. Just please, eat.

I'm working on me. I'm trying to get things right so I can start feeling like a real human again. I've luckily got a friend who cares for me enough to want to send me food. It's a process but I'll hopefully be back into a healthier state soon. I need this job at Wal-Mart to come through so I can start putting my own food on the table. Not the point.

At this point I'm just rambling. I haven't spoken out loud in quite sometime so all of this is just pouring out. I'm going to stop now.

CTA: Just take care of yourselves. That's all I want.