My Shadow

XXX. It's Not Suicide

Danny POV

....Breathe....Issues...afraid..lurk....serial killer...insanity....inhale....*wait a while*...exhale...now stop breathing. I've done some serious things, I don't belong here, I don't belong to breathe, I don't belong to see. Inhale all the smoke, exhale it out all you see is fog. All I see lately is darkness. I fell in love, how am I capable to even love? Does a dead heart..love? ........It's crazy, but I love my demons.

They sing to me, they dance with my angels, they kill, they sin....my monster adore them. Even my demons have demons. You might not see them, but their deep in me. I lost myself so many times, but I have a feeling that I might lost myself completely. Love they say is stronger than anything, well then my demons love me dearly, and they're going to take me soon or did they already. I look myself in the mirror. Time to actually face reality and stop denying it. I tell myself that it's me, but I always try to deny myself. I deny my inner self. I see myself, but I see a human......f**k never mind. I stare deeply at myself and my version went black and back to normal in a second.

What are you waiting for? I'm not running from you

Come break me down

Bury me, bury me

I am finished with you

Look in my eyes

You're killing me, ............killing me deeply

All I wanted was for you to leave my soul

I tried to be someone else

But nothing seemed to change

I know now, this is who I really am inside.

Finally found myself

Fighting for a chance.

I know now, this is who I really am..............I'm Danny La Van de Fredovale and I'm my own insanity....................

Little blood won't kill anyone, took a knife and slice my chest..........watch the blood flow down my body. I feel no pain..I felt nothing.......AHHH!!!....This is gone too far.......shake my head to both side, it's all in your head Danny..........f**k no, it's not. I feel them in me, I punch the glass and watch the glass shatter everywhere. I broke everything. Some glasses got in me and all I saw was blood. I scream I fell to the ground. I throw my gun in the air and it hit the light and it was now..dark. No light, it was DARKNESS..All I see was darkness, my life, this is how I live. All I felt was myself fading away. It was already black, but now I was seeing my own darkness up close.

It's not Suicide..................It's INSANITY

A few hours pass and I lay here bleeding. Nothing deep, nothing close to death. I hear my phone ring and I ignore. I just need to lay here and breathe. I finally got up and open the door and exit out the room. I went inside the bathroom. I took off all my clothes and turn on the shower. I watch the stream coming from the shower, the fogs on the mirrors. I walk in the shower and went under the water. I see the blood going down the drawn. I close my eyes and feel the heat on my body. I open my eyes and started to get my rug and soap and wash myself off.