Paradise City.

Chapter 56: I Pray to God He Hears You.

Chapter 56: I Pray to God He Hears You.

¬Peasnie¬

2 weeks later. . .

“Um. Hm. You… you told me once that you weren’t a hero. Um. There were times that I didn’t even think you were human. But let me tell you this, you were the best man and the most human…. human being that I have ever known, and no one will ever convince me that you told me a lie. And so… there. I was so alone and I owe you so much. Please, there’s just one more thing. One more thing. One miracle, dad, for me. Don’t be… dead. Would you do that, just for me? Just stop it, stop this…” I managed to say late that night. I knelt down by the head stone with knots tying my stomach tightly. Tears escaped down my face as my heart broke inside my chest. I couldn’t believe he was gone, I couldn’t believe he’d leave before meeting his Granddaughter. He died the day that she was born. My Grandparents didn’t come to see Nevaeh, they came to tell me that the reason Bailey wasn’t at the house was because she was at the hospital in the emergency room, watching them work on dad. I was asleep so they only told Phil. When I woke up she came up and saw us not too long after. I wanted to know why she was crying so hard and where dad was. That was supposed to be a very happy day but instead it was a very sullen feeling day.

So here I am, sitting at his grave stone with a flashlight in the middle of August. It was raining heavily and I was only wearing a light hoodie with some jeans and converse. I was soaking wet but I wasn’t going to leave until he pops up out of the ground and yells, you’ve just been Punk’d. But the likelihood of that happening is zero to none. Yesterday we had the funeral, I told Bailey I’d take the kids if she wanted but she told me her parents are going to take them instead. I offered to stay with her over night; Phil can handle watching on the two kids. She told me I had a job to do as a mother. I didn’t want to leave her alone; they’ve been together for so long. Twenty years of being together and he leaves her just like that. She must be broken hearted.

I sighed and let the warm tears fall down my face with the cold rain, my heart ached as I stood up. I looked down at the grave and let my lower lip trembled.

“Good-Night dad.” I said softly before turning on my heel and leaving the cemetery. I walked there instead of driving; it gave me time to think. The last things dad ever said to me was promise me you’ll never feel afraid. I had to keep that promise. I had to make sure he saw I was brave for him. But every time I thought about him never getting to see the twins start school in the matter of weeks, he’ll never get to see Kier graduate in the spring, he’ll never see James get his first drum set and he’ll never meet Nevaeh. It all breaks my heart.

I quietly made my way up the stairs after a long walk back. I opened the condo door, the entire place was black. I stripped my soaking wet shoes off and hung my wet hoodie up on the hook. I made my way up the black stairs to the bathroom where I stripped my clothes off and changed into PJs. I quietly made walked into the bedroom where Phil was sleeping soundly. I crawled into bed and sank deeply into the mattress. Sleep came easy to me.

I knew I was dreaming, but it was an out of body dream. It was seriously fucked up. I was seeing the world from my dad’s perspective. How fucked up is that?

“Oh shit did I remember to take my meds today?” I asked myself drunkenly. I staggered into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle from the counter. I made my way back into the living room and unscrewed the cap. I put a few in the palm of my hands but I couldn’t tell if there were three or ten but it looked like one in my hands. And just like that one by one I took all the pills in the bottle. I felt exhausted so I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes.

“Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend along in all the bitterness. I would have stayed up with you all night if I had known how to save a life.” The words shot my eyes open to see car lights coming into the living room window. I got up from the couch and frowned as I looked at my phone; it was nearly three in the morning. I felt strange, like I was lighter and happier. Like there was nothing left to lose but there were things left to lose.