Prologue

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What does it really mean to love someone? I used to believe love is simply thinking of Alex all the time. I was wrong. Love is not just some fairytale we imagine. Being in love is not what the movies show us it is. It is not writing two names and drawing a heart between them. Love is not the craving for any sexual experience. Love is not like lust, as I refused to believe. For instance, I’d rather dream of making out with Alex rather than actually talking to him about my feelings. Though that was sincerely impossible because Alex is dead in love with Winnie, I used to never run out of hope. Love never causes envy. It only brings satisfaction. I used to envy Winnie and cry about how lucky she is. But all I could say now is “Thank You”. I was blinded because all I wanted to see was Alex. I was too attached that I didn’t know I was hurting a really special person. All I want is just to go back and change everything, but I can’t walk away now. I’ve made my decisions. My beliefs have made me bitter, but better. Now, all I have to think about is me.., and my mom. She’s all that matters to me now.

I’d tell you about my mistakes over and over again, but I’d hate me for bringing back everything. I’d bring myself back to Neptune High and go through it all over again. Maybe this time, I could see what love really means.

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