Take Me As I am

Chapter 26

Major mistake is me believing in you when you say shit
I thought you changed well since you can't I can no longer take it
Go head and face it, plain and basic, different occasions
Gave you my trust and you apologized and then betrayed it
Shame on me, further repeat, I'm all out of favors
And nothing else can save you...
Guessin' you missing integrity
Still gotta focus on what's in the head of me
Great understanding of me as a whole, probably one of the reasons you scared of me
Fiction you telling me, stupid expecting me
Thinking that I'm a believe what I'm not believing
Excuse me, I'm sorry
I abruptly beg and pardon

Ahhhh
Own up to your bullshit
Yeah it's about that time, damn don't you look foolish
Cause you know, I know, you know you lyin'
Yeah right, uh huh, yeah right mhmm, yeah right stop lyin'

Shaun P.O.V

The last few months I've literally watched my world fall all apart. I've watched everything I ever care about be ripped away and that shit hurt me. I've been at points that I could have never imagined. I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy, swear to god.

Some days I wake up and I'm pissed. I'm mad that I woke up again. I'm mad that I have to live another day and breathe another breath. Im mad I'm still here suffering. I just be wanting this shit to all be over with.

then I think about the couple of things that's worth life and living for my little sister and my Little brother, they lost their mom already, their daddy been gone, they can't lose their big brother. I know Des and Chris need me. I think about my mama, man. I know she wouldn't want her son out here taking his own life, hell hers was taken from her. She would want me living to the fullest and never wasting a day on some dumb shit and some dumb ass people. I think about my pops and how much shit he's done. If I was to die all he would do is get the other half of his business back and even fall deeper into his dirty ways. I know I'm still here for a couple reason, important reasons, and with those reasons I get out of bed every day and try to make it through this day.

I can't lie and say this shit is easy. Like now I was just sitting here starring off into space. I had so much on my mind and no one to tell it to, no one here to tell me its going to be okay and they're here for me if I need them. All I had was my self and the silence that surrounded me. It was depressing and heart aching.

I wanted to go by Mula's house and see what she was doing. I wanted to sit there and talk to her about crazy shit. Listen to her weird ass laugh. But I couldn't even do that either.

I knew I was beating a dead horse with this girl and I had to just give it up. She wasn't the person that I was painting her to be, she had showed me her true colors over and over and I was attempting to paint her differently for my own selfish needs and I couldn't do that.

I knew deep down in there that was a female who was just like me, she needed help, she needed somebody to understand her and be there for her but hell she was too fucked in the head and too far deep into her own world that it was just done with. She was dead set in her ways and I wasn't about to try to force her to change. That wasn't in my place.

Putting my key into the car I pulled out of the art center and headed on my way. I just wanted to go lay down but I needed to stop by the office. Once I made across town I headed inside greeting people and ignoring the crazy stares I was getting. "Where is Mitchell?" I asked my dad's secretary.

"He's in the conference room wrapping up but it's best if you wait out here-"

"You like your job?" I asked her and she quickly nodded her head yes. "Well if you want to keep it I think you shouldn't tell me what's best for me. Thanks" I took the papers off of her desk with a pen and headed towards the conference room.