A Reylo Romance: "Don't be Afraid, I Feel it Too"

Where's BB-8?

I jump up from the pilot's seat, startling Luke. He's still looking at me in confusion. He doesn't feel Kylo Ren's proximity to us the way I do. But if I can sense Kylo, does that mean he can sense me approaching too?

"I'm sorry, we need to turn this ship around immediately," I say. Luke, climbs into the pilot seat and recalculates the co-ordinates in silence. I shut my eyes tight, fighting the urge to push him aside and fly this thing straight to Kylo Ren. The intensity of this desire in me is startling.

"I must be more tired than I thought," I say, turning to leave. If I stay here any longer I don't know what might happen.

"Is it Finn?" Luke asks.

"Pardon?"

"Were you flying to Finn?"

I don't know how to answer that. The truth is, I wasn't. But it's better for Luke to think that I was, rather than guess where I was really headed.

"He's in the Golan system, where Maz's planet is, last I heard."

"Oh," is all I say. I hurry out of the cockpit to the ship's corridors, as far from the flight controls as possible, leaving Luke behind without even a parting comment. I can't be trusted. I don't even recall putting in the change of co-ordinates for our flight path, it was just automatic.

What else will I do to get to Kylo? Sleep walk? Will I wake up one day and find myself in front of him with no recollection as to how I got there? The thought sends a shiver down my spine.

Should I tell Luke? Maybe he knows something about this, two people strong with the Force having a bond, possibly resulting from our connection while reaching into each others' minds at the same time, some sort of Force-Bond.

No, I can't tell him now, not yet. I need to figure it out for myself first. I run my hand over my hair, itching to take out the elastics and get out of my desert clothes. A beeping from behind me catches my attention.

"BB-8?" I turn but find no robot there. The sound is coming from a command console in the wall. I walk over to look at it's capabilities. It can detect all living and non-living forms on the ship, including cargo. I do a quick search for robotic forms on board. There are none.

A crazy thought grips me. Does Kylo have BB-8? No, that's impossible, how would he? But even if he doesn't, the First Order is likely already on Jakku, looking for me and blasting through the Niima Outpost once again. I almost feel bad for Unkar, almost.

But would they capture BB-8 just to try and get to me? I know it would be too risky to turn back now. There's no point in even asking Luke.

We're making distance between us and Kylo, I can feel it. The pull is dwindling, fading off. It's less of a relief and more of a depressing pain in my chest. Suddenly the emotions I've worked hard all my life to ignore consume me, the pain of being abandoned by my family, the loneliness of waiting for them for so long.

I lean back against the wall and slide down to the floor, hugging my legs. They didn't abandon me, they were taken from me. They had to be. I don't actually remember but I know they'd never just leave me on a planet like Jakku to fend for my own. I suppose it did make me strong, but deep down it also made me weak, weak to feelings of rejection and loneliness.

I was doing just fine until I started sharing my living space with BB-8 and became accustomed to a companion. How could I have left her behind, the way I was left behind? How could I not have checked to make sure she was with us?

The Teedos, they must have grabbed her behind our backs. A sob chokes in my throat. I want to go back for her, but I don't trust myself. What if Kylo Ren is already on his way to Jakku for me?

The emotions wash over me again, the loneliness and pain. In this quiet corridor I can't escape them. I close my eyes and imagine the ocean and the waves...

He saw the same waves, when he was in my head. Kylo Ren watched them, so curious, so interested in all that was inside my mind. This whole time I'd been thinking his interest in me is solely for the Force I have within me, because I am strong with it. But as I think back to his interrogation, I remember his mind searching mine, not for the map that he was there to take from my thoughts, but just through everything, my life, my fears and pain, my loneliness. It was as though it fascinated him, as though he was interested in more than just information, he was interested in me.

"No, no, no." I get up and stand straight. I won't allow him to have this hold on me. I'll go back for BB-8. Luke will understand. Or possibly he won't. It doesn't make sense even to me, that I would take such grave risks to retrieve a small robot. But she isn't just any robot, she's my friend.

I run back to the cockpit with determination.

"Luke," I say, slightly out of breath as I approach the pilot seat. "We need to return to Jakku. We need to go back for BB-8."