Forever Now

Chapter 23 (Filler)

This is a filler chapter cuz the next chapter is heading to 6 pages now and ... yeah thats too long so i took this part off since it was the least important... kinda... Enjoy?

Chapter 23

Sometimes it’s that feeling of hopelessness that gets to me. The feeling that everything is lost to me, that I have no control over what happens, no say in what I can do. It’s that feeling in the pit of my stomach and deep in my heart that makes me lash out, yet be so calm when confronted with it.

All day, or evening rather, my mind, racing with thoughts, had exhausted me. My own lies, and that of others, had worn me out. The feeling wouldn’t go away, not after a long, hot shower, or after drinking tea, or eating half a pint of ice cream and watching a romantically sad movie. I lay in bed, my hands gripping the bed sheets. I couldn't sleep, my mind blank yet unable to still. It had been a while since I could say I actually slept well. With Kryzstofer here I slept like a baby, but without him... it felt wrong to sleep. As if I was robbing him of something important.

Unwrapping my fingers, I rubbed at my tattooed arm and sighed. Janice knew about us, which made it difficult to speak to her. And according to Hixak, Alec was the bad guy. So I had two ways to get in and both were useless. And I had no Guardian to help, Kryzstofer having disappeared after our fight a few days ago.

I tried not to linger on the fact that he was gone because of me, with Kleopatra and some unknown force around, but I guess that's why my hands wrapped themselves around the white bed sheets once more. It wasn't like he couldn't take care of himself, but he could at least call or do that mind melt thing. Something to let me know he was all right.

I turn on my side on the bed and look into deep brown eyes. Scared out of my wits, I jump out of bed with a shriek.

“What?” I snap, trying to compose myself. “Jesus! You scared the shit out of me!”

“You’re lying in bed, thinking about me,” he says, amused. “You didn’t think I’d pick up on that?”

“That doesn’t mean you can scare me!” I snapped. “What the hell, man!”

“What’s wrong?” he asked, pushing himself up on the bed. “Talk to me.”

“You scared the crap out of me and now you want me to spill my heart out?” I asked.

I sighed and leaned back on the wardrobe. What could I possibly say in words to describe the feeling of being so alone, so hurt, that it pained me to just be alive? The sinking feeling of abandonment and resentment all mixed in one? What words could possibly describe that? I racked my brain in hope to find something, some word or simile to even just compare the feeling to, and found nothing.

I looked at him, his eyes filled with wonder and sadness. I knew he could feel a hint of what I felt, and I bet that, just like me, he didn’t get the feeling. It wasn’t like with Franziska, it wasn’t depression that which I felt. It was childish but I wanted to feel welcomed and wanted, not hated and misunderstood by my best friends, Alec and Janice. Kryzstofer’s arrival and my assignment had complicated things to a degree that simply had me scrambling around for someone to talk to.

“Talk to me,” he repeated, softly. He swung his legs over the bed and pushed himself off, walking towards me with a pained look across his face.

“I can’t,” I finally said, “it’s complicated.”

“I’m good with complicated,” he replied, inching closer. “I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Like what?” I asked, sharply. “Human? Emotional?”

“Hurt.”

“I’m not-“

“Don’t lie to me, just talk.”

“I’m not going to explain myself to you,” I told him, looking at the floor.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said softly, extending his hand for me to take.

“It’s nearly midnight,” I respond. “Where are we gonna go?”

“You’ll see,” he told me as I took his hand.

Oh and thank you to invisiblylonely for editing this cuz i felt bad about having y'll read my mistakes. Your awesome! Awkward dragons forever! lol