Forever Now

Chapter 20

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Chapter 20

I dream of a valley. A valley overlooking a beautiful mountain range. From here I see the frost-covered peak and its ridges leading to heaven. I sit down, amazed at the beauty of this place. I look around before my hands come into contact with its soft, almost silky, grass. I think to myself, this must be a dream. My thought is confirmed as I feel someone behind me. I turn and see a woman with long black hair walking away. My heart screams "Franziska" but my mind warns of danger. I stand up, shaking, and follow her. No matter my pace, I can't catch up to her. She stops suddenly and its enough for me to catch up.

I reach out for her but she slips away. Her hand leaves mine as I try to hold on to her. I reach out for her and, smiling, I turn her but I am horrified a moment later. This thing is not my sister! Her face... Her glorious face is gone, replaced by a black mask. Her face, clouded, twists up and her hand reaches behind me. I turn to see what she is pointing at and find myself staring at Kryzstofer. I smile at him and call out, "Kryzstofer! Oh, god Kryz. What happened to her?"

He stares at me, eyes solemn, and turns away. My heart turns over in fear. "Kryz!" The thing behind me, my sister without a face, points at him and then at itself. Again and again, at him then itself. I look between them. Guilt and sorrow is written all over his face. Finally I get it...

I wake up in a fit. Kryzstofer, who is asleep next to me, doesn't hear me wake. I stare at his beautiful face. Sadness swells within me, sadness mixed with anger. His tear-stained cheeks make my heart constrict. He regrets it. Gently, I lean closer to him. Tracing his collar bone from end to end, feeling the smoothness of it, I stared into his sleeping face. I want to reach down to his collar and plant warm kisses along it, I want to kiss his sleeping form until he wakes but I can't. I just can't.

My sister's image flares in my mind. And then IT passes by. Its empty black face in the form of my sister. My anger overpowers my sadness and want. I close my eyes and all I can't think of is Franziska's body and that thing's face. Her arm stretching out to point at Kryz, blaming him for her appearance. I look back at Kryz: his calm, angelic face, before my anger flares and tears fall. "Meine Schwestern!" I hear myself yell as I push and pull at him. "My sister!" The tears fall freely as I continue my assault on him. He finally awakes, eyes wide and confused. I push him out of the bed and throw the pillows at him, positioning myself at the farthest, furthest corner, away from him. He stand up and looks at me.

“I'm sorry!” He exclaims. “I'm sorry!”

“You-” I choke out, “you made me forget!”

“I-” I throw another pillow at him but he dodges it. “I'm sorry. I couldn't take it anymore.”

“My sister!” I yell angrily. “You erased my sister!”

“Hixak-”

“Hixak?!” I moved farther away. “Hixak did this? You made him do this?”

“He suggested it,” He said stepping closer to me. “I'm sorry, Mikaela.”

“No, you are not,” My voice was a whisper that trembled beneath the scale of my wrath. “You couldn't take it, so you had him... had him take her away from me. You know how much she meant to me and you still you did it!” The last of my words rose abruptly in volume, ending in a high-pitched shout that echoed loudly throughout the room.

It was his eyes that bothered me the most, though, even as I cried to myself in the corner of the bed. I could feel their weight on me and I knew that if I were to look at him now, I'd see no emotion in them but guilt. All I would see within their tired, brown-red depths would be guilt. It fanned the flames of my anger even further: this was not my Kryzstofer, this was the Guardian Angel Kryzstofer, a totally emotionless vessel and not the fun, loving man I loved. I stood up from the bed and seized the loose folds of his shirt jerking him forwards. Still unresisting, he stumbled into my grasp and I found myself yelling words directly into his face, shaking him violently, well, as violently as I could.