The Light Behind Your Eyes (Adopted by Gerard Way)

Cinderblock Garden

Violet's POV

The thunderstorm was raging outside.  Rain pelted my window and the lightning seemed like it was almost inside my room.  I pulled the covers over my head and cried.  This is so scary.  I wanted to go downstairs but Mom said to stay up here no matter what.  One clap of thunder didn't sound exactly like the rest.  It sounded almost like a gunshot.  Then I heard sirens.  They were almost as loud as the storm outside.  A police officer came into my room, "Is Anna Silverstone your mother?"  He asked me.  "Yes." I managed to squeak out.  "Honey," he said gently, "Your mother is dead."

I woke up covered in sweat and tears.  My heart was beating out of my chest.  I took a shaky breath in.  Relax, it was just a dream.  Just a dream.

"Violet, are you okay?"  I saw Gerard's silhouette in my door.  "You were mumbling and moving around in your sleep.  It sounded like you were having a nightmare." 

"I'm fine."  I said, "I just talking my sleep sometimes."  I looked at the digital clock on my dresser.  It was just after 3 in the morning.  "Why are you up anyway?" I asked him.

"Insomnia," He said, "I couldn't sleep."  Gerard sat next to me on the bed.  "So since we're both up, and I think some father-daughter time is needed, would you like to go to McDonald's and go look at the stars?"

"It's like 3 in the morning?"

"So?"

"In need to sleep."

"Fuck sleep.  C'mon, it'll be fun."

"The last time someone said that to me I ended up with purple hair and a nose ring."

Gerard laughed, "You're definitely my daughter.  You do need to eat though, you barely touched your dinner.  I don't believe the 'I had a big lunch' bullshit."

Shit.  He knew.  There's no way to cover my tracks now.

"I guess I could eat," I said, "But won't Lindsey wonder where we are?" 

"Lindsey could sleep through the third world war.  She'll be fine." Gerard assured me.

"SHE WANTS TO DANCE LIKE UMA THURMAN!" We sang along to the radio.  Well, he sang.  I kind of screamed.  "AND I CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD!" I collapsed into laughter after that one.  We had just stopped at McDonald's for fries and milkshakes so it was probably the sugar.  Probably.  Gerard was trying to find the stargazing spot.  He wasn't having much luck.

"FUCK!" He yelled after the third dead end road we encountered, "VIOLET THE WORLD HATES ME!!!"

"WE ARRREE WILD!  WE ARE LIKE YOUNG VOLCANOES!" I sang.

"WHAT THE FUCK THAT SONG DOES NOT FIT THE SITUATION AT ALL!!"

Gerard threw up his hands, "I give up.  We've been driving around for almost an hour and I can't find it.  Dammit."

"I can kind of see the stars from here," I said, "Like, I bet if we got out of the car it would be the same as a stargazing hill.  Except we would be in the middle of the street.  And therefore risking getting run over.  But it's 3:45 in the morning so who cares?"  So that's what we did.  We got out of the car and lied down in the middle of the road.

"Hey Gerard?" I asked him.

"Yes, Sunshine?"

"Can I have glow in the dark stars on the ceiling of my room?"

"Violet, you can put whatever you want in your room.  Except porn.  I do not support porn in my daughter's room.  If you absolutely must have porn please put it on your phone or iPod or something.  That reminds me, you need a phone.  I'll add that to the list for tomorrow."

"What are we doing tomorrow?" I asked Gerard.  "I think we're going shopping," He said, "You need new clothes and stuff for your room.  Then Frank and Mikey, your band uncles, are coming over for dinner."

"What are band uncles?"

"In my band-Well, used to be band-My Chemical Romance there were 5 members: Me, Frank, Bob, Mikey, and Ray.  We're like brothers.  So now you have figurative uncles.  Except for Mikey.  Mikey is my brother, so he's your actual uncle." Gerard explained.  "Awesome," I said, "I've never had uncles before.  This should be fun."

"Violet, can we talk about something serious for a moment?" Gerard asked me.  "Sure." I said.  I wonder what this is about...

"I know about your self harm."

Everything stopped.  He knew.  What did I do wrong?  Did my bracelets slip?  No, they couldn't have, I have five bracelets on.  The completely cover the scars no matter how I move my arm.  I've tested it a million times.  How did he know? 

Gerard must have noticed the panic on my face, "They told us while we were filling out the papers at the orphanage.  Don't worry, it wasn't anything you did." He quickly explained.  "I just want you to know that you're not alone.  I really depressed for a very long time in my life.  I know how you feel.  And as your father, I want to help.  I care about you, Violet." Gerard said gently, "I love you."

What I really wanted to do was throw myself into Gerard's arms and cry and tell him everything that's been going on in my life, but I knew I couldn't.  I couldn't get close to him.  I couldn't get close to anyone.  They would just leave me when I needed them most.  

Gerard's phone buzzed.  He checked it.  "Oh look, it's Lindsey." He said.  The phone kept buzzing and buzzing.  "And she's texting up a storm."

Gerard where are you?

Wait, Violet is gone

VIOLET IS GONE

GERARD PLEASE TELL ME SHE'S WITH YOU

GERARD WHERE IS OUR DAUGHTER

She's right here Lynz.  We're stargazing.

OH THANK GOD

NO FAIR YOU GET MORE BONDING TIME THAN ME

ALRIGHT YOU TWO BETTER GET YOUR SORRY LITTLE BUTTS HOME GERARD YOU HAVE BEEN A BAD BOY NO COOKIE FOR YOU LOVE YOU XOX YOUR WIFE LINDSEY

"What!" Gerard pouted, "No cookie?  That seems a bit harsh."

I was starting to feel pretty tired at that point.  We got in the car.  I yawned.  "Close your eyes." Gerard said.  I did.  He started singing, "All you sinners stand up, sing hallelujah..."

And that was the last thing I heard before I fell into a deep sleep.