Complacent Dreamers

Purple Pills

Marshall POV
We already on our way back to Detroit, and I could t quit thinking about last night. Bella spent the night and we talked about a lot of stuff, none including a relationship with us. A part of me was happy that we weren't going to be anything for the sake of my child, but I loved her. I loved her so damn much. "The rap Olympics are coming up soon." Proof acknowledged as we drove on. "Yeah man I'm so ecstatic. You coming down to L.A with me?"

"Absolutely dogg I'll always be there."

"Man that Bella shit back there was scary as fuck." I laughed. "She's not like she used to be at all. It's like she's been through something we don't know about." I shook my head and licked my lips while staring at Proof. "Man I think it was something with Cory, didn't he like dump her?"

"Uh yeah like a year ago right? You were too caught up in the music to know though. I think that's why she was funny wit you at first man. You're the only one who hasn't seen hear ever since she left. I mean you've seen her but that was so she could meet Hai."

"Damn. I didn't even notice. We gotta link up. When does she graduate?"

"Umm in a couple months actually." I had to get my friend back, I couldn't just go without her, I may have wanted more from us once upon a time but now I just wanted her in my life. She was the one to help me when all o had was Proof and my lil brother. My mom that was a different story completely. Of course there was love for her and there would be till I die, but she did me so wrong. That little front of kindness was a load of bullshit. Bella couldn't see that though. All the times she hurt me or Nate. Gosh she was horrible. Then their was Kim. Kim was my true love. No matter how wrong she did me I loved her. I fucking loved her. She has did everything to make my life hell, but it's like I'm attracted to her. I don't what it is, but it's just weird.

-----Detroit
Proof was getting ready to host a battle, and I was getting ready to rap in it like I do almost every day of my life. After the battle I had an interview with Dj Lisa Lisa. I got a spot in an underground beats magazine, they were basically endorsing underground hip hop artists. "You ready?" I nodded and walked to the back of Kim and I's house. I could hear Haile fussing in the bed and Kim was passed out on the couch beside the bed. I rolled my eyes and picked up Haile. "Hey baby girl. Hey. Shh." I said bouncing her side to side as she lurched into my chest. She stank badly and when I leaned down to smell her diaper I knew why. I sat her down on the bed and shook Kim's lazy ass.

"What the fuck Marshall??!" She leaped up, sleep in her eyes and her dirty blonde hair sprawled out everywhere. "Wake up! Hailie needs her diaper changed."

"Are you kidding me? We have one diaper because your ass ain't getting no money in from Gilbert's and you doing that stupid ass rap stuff. You're never here for your damn daughter and you don't even love me anymore so don't fuck me up with this." I ran my fingers through my hair and yelled. "Are you fucking insane?! I'm doing this, all of this for you and Hailie! I work till 1 every damn day trying to bring money in since you don't work, and I'm rapping for me. The least you could do is support me!"

"Oh cry me a river Marshall. Just get out. Get out!" Hailie was still fussing and and I felt bad for my little girl. I refuse to let her grow up in this environment, she can't grow up like I did, that's not even a possibility. I walked out of the house into the car with Deshaun who drove since I didn't like too.

The crowd was hype as shit in here tonight. It's almost like everyone wanted to see me rap the hell out of the mic or not. My skin color made people see the worst in me, till the point where they were knit picking at my words, my accent, my nose. Anything they could find wrong about me, they did and that was the hardest part of it all. No one was listening to the damn music. I'd been booed almost every show since Bella left, I couldn't beat myself up about it but this rap shit was hard. My album Infinite wasn't selling much, it was out on cassette and Vinyl so why it wasn't selling was a mystery.

I needed something better. Like something that made me relate to the black guys. Something crazy like an alter ego or some shit. I snapped back into reality and focused on who I was batting. A 6'0 black guy with a fade and baggy clothes. I noticed that his shoes were untied and muddy and he had a boogie hanging from his nose. His keys were in his hand and there was a pic of him and some other dude hugging. Was this fucker gay? I was trying to find stuff to criticize him on. Exaggerate the truth. The crowd circled around me, my opponent, and Proof, all wanting to hear what we had to say. "Alright Alright chill!" Proof hushed them all and I tried to go in my zone but Kim's voice kept popping into my head. She said I didn't love Hailie, everything I did was for her. It's like she wasn't getting it. I can't be fucked with that. I shook my head and stared at my competition.

"Alright we got Mac vs Eminem baby. Let's get it cracking. Mc Mac you up first buddy." He nodded while holding the fuzz on his chin. All his words were in my head but I wasn't there. I was out of it. It's like I was back home still arguing with Kim or something. I just wasn't in it.

Proof saw it too. He saw the lost look on my face, that's why he kept checking his watch to see how long till I had to go on. "You really think you go win this battle? They don't like you cuz you're white, oh and when you get home tell Kim to call me so we can fuck like we do every other night!" The crowd ohhed but I was furious. I wanted to fucking kill him.

I leaned towards him and it's like the whole crowd leaped at us to join too. I could hear the screams as my fist hit him. He punched me pretty hard as well. Right in the fucking abs, fuck that shot hurt. "What the hell Marshall!" Proof shouted pulling me away from the swarm of fighting bodies. I could taste the blood around my lip and tongue.

"You can't be doing that shit man!" He yelled at me. Everyone did that to me like I was wrong. Bella needed to be here. She was the only one I could get to calm me down before I did something stupid. "Can I borrow your keys man?" He nodded and handed them to me.

"Don't do nothing stupid doodey."

Too late proof.

I got in the car and I didn't give a fuck about the city limits, I needed to get home. I had to escape. What the fuck was wrong with me. I kept hearing Bella's laugh in my head. I could feel her lips on mine. Shit. I drove faster, I could feel tears sweeping from my eye. "Hey don't cry, you go out there and make a name  for yourself-" It's what Bella told me before she left. "You don't care about Hailie and it's like you don't love me!!!" Kim. Why wasn't I good enough?! Why was I such a screw up that no one accepted me. Nobody ever sees how I see things.

I walked inside the house and rammed the bathroom sink to find something that could take the pain away. I found some stupid sleeping pills, not caring what they were, and put six of them into my mouth, cupping my fingers under the water and then my whole face, making the water and pills wash down my throat. I could hear Hailie. Almost like she was calling out to me. Then I heard my mothers voice.

I stumbled towards our room but my eyes went into my head and I blacked out. The pain was over. "MARSHALL!"