What We Deserve

Part 43: Gone

"Shit...shit..." I drop the razor on the floor and cover the two inch long cut that's going up my arm.

I can't breathe as I apply pressure, the blood slowly coming from between my hand and my arm.

I can't stitch this.

Not myself.

What the bloody Hell is wrong with me.

Looking around my apartment, I feel slightly lightheaded at the thought that I just cut myself vertically.

Am I trying to die?!

No!

I'm just too bloody stupid to be able to control my hallucinations...which is just me.

It's always been just me.

And now I've done it.

My phone goes off and it's Max.

I swipe to answer and I feel so worried and nervous.

"Hey, so, the streamers and balloons arch...."

"Max!" I cry and he hears the full fledge panic in my voice.

"Helen?! Baby what's wrong?!"

"I need....I need a suture kit..." I cry and I hear him shuffling around.

"Suture kit? For what? What happened?"

I remain quiet.

I can't tell him.

I can't tell him I cut myself.

It'll make him worried.

It'll stop the entire trip that has to happen for funding.

It'll ruin his faith in me.

"HELEN!?!"

"I cut myself!" I abruptly say and I keep applying as much pressure to my arm as possible.

"What?! Okay! Hold on! Lauren's probably closer! I'm coming- but let me call Lauren and have her get there faster." He panics and cancels the call. I look around and I feel very woozy. Sitting down against my island counter, I feel sick to my stomach.

"Good girl. You're finally listening to me. It only took you how many years. Don't worry. It'll all be over by the time Lauren gets here. The blood is moving fast. Good job. Not quite as long as it needed to be- but you still got the job done. A vertical mattress suture on this won't be easy- even for Lauren. So amazing job, Love! I've never been so proud of you in my life!" Mo happily cheers and jumps up and down. "If Max wouldn't have called though...huh... he spoils all the fun. But! I think we can still win this one! There is still hope for us yet."

"Please...stop..." I cry and he shakes his head and gets close to my face.

"No, no, no- lovely lady. You deserve this. Remember? You are a sinner and you are only receiving the punishment you deserve. I'm just delighted and honored that you chose me to assist you. And here I thought you hated me." There's a pounding on my door downstairs.

It's Lauren.

I know it is.

"Good job locking the door. Very safe of you. This will only slow her down and speed us up." Mo antagonizes me and I look down at the copious amount of blood still coming from my arm. I feel slightly cold.

Crash!!!!

"Looks like Lauren found a rock. Your landlord is going to be so pissed that you'll be too dead to pay that."