What We Deserve

Part 40: Fast

Marry him.

He wants...

He wants to marry me?

Last night it was move in.

Now it's marry him.

He's all over the damn map.

And though I am flattered.

Taken by him and his sweetness.

It's...it's too soon.

Is it not?!

"You don't want to marry me, Max." I say to him sadly and he looks at me with those damn sweet, soft blue eyes of his. They hold no malice or frustration or even anger in them as I say this. They are purely full of love and admiration.

The elevator doors open and I head down to my office.

He follows me quietly and after I enter, he shuts the door and locks it.

He just stands there at the back of my office and watches me straighten up my files and other paperwork. I try to ignore his staring but I can't and it leads me to be stuck in a loop of pick something up- look at something else, set the first thing down and then find a third and fourth thing to replace what I was already holding.

It's a loop of insanity and I can't focus long enough to get out of it.

"Gahhh!" I growl in frustration and just glare at him. "What?! What do you want from me Max?!"

He remains quiet and just smiles softly.

"You don't want to marry me! You don't! It will only cause you more stress and pain and frustration." I growl and when he remains unmoved a un-angered or upset by my words- I go up to him and get in his face to prove my point. "I'm trying to spare you. I'm damaged and untrusting...I will only break your heart and you out of everyone in the world doesn't deserve that...so please just...just don't."

I look up at him and search his blue eyes that are unhurt by me.

"Don't you want to just be happy for once? Don't you want to live your life with Luna and someone who is actually deserving of your sweet and good nature...because it isn't me- Max. I'm rotten. I'm so...so lost and backwards and unsure if the woman you met almost two years ago is even really me...because...because so much of who I am today is the product of Mohammed's...and she's...she's broken and destroyed and unfair. She's dark and dismal...you won't love her...because I certainly don't."

I turn and leave him at the door and go and sit against the bureau on the floor behind my desk. I bring my knees to my chest and hide my face in them.

It's silent in here.

So silent that it almost doesn't feel real. After a few moments, I hear his feet across the floor and feel him sit beside me in a similar fashion, but his hand finds its way around me and pulls me close to him.

How is he not upset me?

How is he still right here- holding me and softly smiling?

Soon enough, his lips find their way to my neck and it stirs something deep inside me.

That same want I always have for him. He caresses my left cheek and turns me to look at him.

He presses a kiss to my lips and looks deep into my soul.

"You don't need me...you can do better..." I quietly say and it breaks my own heart as I do so.

But not his.

No, in fact I think it fuels his fire because before I can say or do anything else, he swiftly, gets me on my back and hovers over top of me- kissing my mouth and pressing his manhood against my pelvis.