What We Deserve

Part 19: Working Harder

"And done! Whatcha think? I think you're cute!" Gretchen and her friend Denise step back and show me in the hand mirror the straightened hair they put in.

It's different.

It's good different.

I haven't had flat ironed hair exertions since I was in secondary school.

It took them hours to take the rest of my braids out and to slowly and carefully work in the new straights. They were gentle with my scars and made me 'laugh' so much- despite not being able to exactly vocalize it.

It feels great.

Being around people for something other than hard work and frustration.

It's been nice not thinking about Max's conversation the other night.

"Whatcha think?"

"Looks great! Thank you." Gretchen brought me in a small whiteboard with markers to use and Lauren- who was taking her lunch break up here- has been sitting in the chair across from us eating ramen and laughing at Denise's jokes.

"I think she looks fabulous. Good job ladies."

"You next, Sugar?"

"Me?! Oh no... you don't need to do my hair." Lauren blushes and I nod and point to my nose. "What?! Are you gonna give me a fro?"

"I could do box braids in your hair- cornrows. Whatcha want?" Denise goes over and starts playing with Lauren's hair and I can tell she is enjoying the special attention. "Personally, with a cute face like yours, I would do a sexy side Viking braid. Right on the side and leave the rest down. You white women make the cutest little warriors."

"Oh..okay...yeah! Let's do it!" She excitedly says and Denise gets to work on her hair.

Lauren, as long as I've known her- has tried to hide a part of herself from everyone.

Only I know the truth to Lauren's unhappiness and it's that she is a closeted bisexual.

She confessed it to me after two years of sharing a dorm at Columbia University. I had caught her staring at me and made a remark along the lines of if there's something you want- then just take it.

Meaning the food I was eating.

She came over and pressed her lips to mine and I was honestly taken aback.

She was immediately embarrassed by the action and begged me not to say anything to anyone. Said she was just curious and I had to laugh.

"It's alright, Lauren. You shouldn't feel you have to hide any part of you. Personally, I'm only into men- but I do love you. You're my best friend and I support you always no matter what."

"I just...I don't want to be this way...I'm sorry. I like men... I do...but..."

"Lauren- it's okay, darling. I can't say I wasn't curious myself. You sexy little thing...but women just aren't my tea, Darling. Though- if we hit forty and are still single- I will totally marry you...if it ever becomes legal that is. We can Green Garden it up in upstate New York. Deal?"

"Deal."

After that, she only ever went out with men.

Floyd being the last of them.

I hope she finds someone.

But if she doesn't- I'll keep my end of the bargain as it seems I will never be matched with whom I wish to be.

"So, Helen- have you been hitting the trails lately?" Gretchen asks and I nod. "Yeah- where ya been running?"

"Mostly the bathroom."