What We Deserve

Part 41: I'll Have A Blue Christmas-With You

Like I said. The 23rd and 24th flew by and this morning- waking up after having stuffed all the presents under the tree for Luna...and some for Max that he didn't see- I roll over and find him curled into a ball- on the other side of the bed.

He didn't spoon me at all these last few nights.

I'm sure he's mentally preparing for me to be gone.

Though it still hurts.

It hurts a lot.

"Well, at least leaving will make your death easier." He's back.

Mohammed lounges on the end of the bed and I just want to kick him in his teeth.

"Don't ignore me, Love. I'm gonna be your best friend again. Really soon. The second you get on that plane, is the second you and I start shacking up again." Rolling over to face Max, looking at his back and wondering...I wonder if he'll actually be able to do this.

Long distance relationships usually don't work.

They start out with both people trying their hardest, but then somewhere along the way one of them slips up and spoils it.

"He's gonna fuck whom ever they find to replace you. You get that right? They're gonna bring in some wild woman and she will take your spot in both your work and in Max's bed." He gets up and stands beside Max and looks down at me coldly. "He'll fuck her behind your back and call you love and honey over the phone. All while she's sucking him off. He'll fuck this year away with someone else and when you arrive back in September- you'll marry the poor sod and he'll still just continue with malice in his heart and another woman on his cock."

I'm about to whip the pillow at him, when Max rolls over and finds me crying.

"Hey...are you alright? What's the matter, honey?" He asks softly and I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head as he pulls me into his arms closely. "Is he bothering you again?"

"Yeah...." I mumble against his neck and he sighs before rolling on top of me and plastering me with kisses.

"Don't listen to him. Iggy put in the script so we can pick both up tomorrow after the holiday. Don't worry."

Penny was hesitant on signing off on the one med. She was unsure if she wanted me on it to control my hallucinations and delusions since I wasn't truly a psychotic in her eyes.

However, she finally gave in and Iggy worked his arse off with the FDA to approve the recommendations.

"Shall we shag now? Or shag later?" He does his best Austin Powers impersonation and yet it falls short.

"Later..." I morosely state as I slide out from underneath him and head to the bathroom. I slide the door shut and sit down, my insides twisting and an ache in my heart that doesn't seem to go away.

It hasn't gone away for a while now.

I know I'm hurting him horribly.

How can I ask him to accept my heart when I'm not even here to give it to him.

"I was thinking..." He calls from the other side of the door.

"That's a scary thought." I say and he chuckles.

"Fair...I was thinking we open presents this morning and then take a walk...what do you...um...what do you think?"

"Let's do it. Take a walk off a short pier with cement boots. I love it. Let's go!" Mo bounces up and down on the side of the tub he's sitting on and seems over joyed at his thought.

My thought.

These are my thoughts.

Aren't they?

I just portray them as him to make it easier on myself.