Searching for the Answer

Dreams Denied and Derailed

Beginning at age seven I contemplated my future career path with the envisioned goal of doing something interesting while making enough money to support myself. I would come up with at least three careers from seven until I gave up at the age of 13. The reasoning why would be my mother's reaction whenever I told her what I wanted to be when I grew up. At first I asked my mother how much a geologist makes because I enjoyed looking for rocks and crystals on the dropped off supply at the front of the woods in our neighborhood. I would spend hours just combing through a rock pile, picking out those that were most unique. After I brought to my mother's attention that I wanted to be a geologist she said "ok". There was no encouragement, in fact quite the opposite would occur in that later in the evening when my mother was on the phone with one of her friends in the kitchen I overheard her conversation. My mother would say "guess what shawn wants to be now?" her friend would reply "what?" and then my mother would give the career choice then laugh at it. She said "a geologist, ha ha ha ha." I heard this because back then phones were chained to a central part of the house. She basically took my dreams and threw them back in my face essentially insulting me for even considering it. The second time I was into discovery of fossils and so presented the same career option to my mother asking if they make enough money and she didn't respond just said "ok" to me telling her what I was thinking of doing with my life. Later in the evening the same conversation but archeologist replaced geologist while the laughter and mockery remained the same. The third time I was practicing magic tricks I learned online and wash rinse repeat I get made fun of and give up.

Years later when we had to do an assignment mapping out our entire future I went with that I would grow up to be a lawyer. I told my mother I did an aptitude test and the result was lawyer and her response? "oh ok". No encouragement, no looking to help me find more information and make connections. It was just mockery and apathy.