Finding Mr. Knight (DDLB) | ✔️

12.

Flashback.

Its been a few days since the most amazing night of my entire existence. I haven't seen or heard from Alek in over forty eight hours. Two days. Two entire days without a text or a phone call. Not a hi, how are you. Or a hey, I changed my mind, i'm not interested in you.

Nothing.

I really thought losing my virginity, something I had for twenty two years of my life, would feel different. Special, I guess. And it did at the time, but now it just feels like someone ripped Mr. Snuggles head off, pulled his eyes out, poured gasoline on him, lit him on fire and tossed him in the trash! Yeah, it's a lot, but that's how my heart feels!

Mr. Snuggles is my entire life. He's my best friend, but I would be willing to give him up if that meant Alek coming back to me. No one has ever made me feel so alive. Even though we still didn't know a lot about each other, I thought for a minute I could say I knew what love felt like.

I've dreamed of that day since I was young! I was happy with my life before I met him, but I felt happier being with Aleksander. I would give up the thing I love most for him because I do love him. Call me crazy but love doesnt have a timeline. There is nothing that tells you when you can fall for someone. It can be a day, or it can be a year.

All I know is that I love him and he's gone.

What if he realized I was a weirdo and thought I wasn't good enough for him? If he some how found out I was a little even though I've never told a soul. A man who was the perfect gentleman turned out to be the biggest jerk!

I ran out of ice cream early in the day, so I put on my big comfy sweater, some sweat pants and put my hood up.

I may have taken a detour to the grocery store and I also might have ended up in front of Alek's apartment building.

I hoped I would see him in his window or notice his car on the street, maybe even get lucky and he'd be coming outside as I walked by.

None of that happened though. His apartment was dark, the car still wasn't there and my calls were now going straight to voicemail.

I sat on the steps of his place for a few minutes and cried. I've never dealt with emotions so strong before, it's like my body is being thrown into overdrive!

I ended up staying for an embarassingly long time before giving up. I went to the grocery store and got a big tub of vanilla ice cream and a bottle of moscatto. Or two bottles, but who's counting. A drunken sugar coma sounded amazing!

I haven't even gone to work these last two days. I actually chose to use a week of my vacation days so I could stay home to wallow, cry and watch movies. And eat my heartbreak snacks.

After that day, I stayed at home all the way until the next Monday and finally got my bum back to work. Daisy's is always the perfect distraction for when i'm feeling down.

I just couldn't find it in me to let go of what we created together in such a short period of time. I spent months in a rut of depression. I lost count of the amount of times I walked past his apartment, or went to the bar he took me on a date to. I even tried going to the beach. I waited and waited, wishing that one day he would come and find me again, but he never did.

It wasn't until six months had past that I started to feel more like myself. Of course I still smiled and had fun, but when I was alone I just wasn't myself. As time continued to pass, I found happiness within myself again. There were still days I reminiced, but as time continued it felt like nothing more than a distant memory.