[oceans] | a txt imagines book

[beomgyu] • presence

tw: slight themes of depression and suicide

Nothing made sense. Everything always seemed so loud even when it was quiet. You had lost all motivation and you couldn't understand why.

At your best, you created music, but one day, you just woke up and you couldn't breathe. You were taking in air, but you felt numb. You didn't have the motivation to go to work and you just wanted to stay in bed. Of course, wanting to stay in bed was normal. But you didn't want to get up, you didn't want to do anything. You lost interest in the one thing you loved and you couldn't even have it get you out of bed. All you wanted to do was cry; something was hurting inside and you weren't quite sure where it was coming from.

The very first day you felt that way, you called in sick. After that, you went to work as though everything was fine. However, everyone could see the sudden change in your personality. You weren't bubbly, but you talked a lot in a way that was always caring toward everyone. You were still like that, but you spoke less. During breaks, you would just stay in the producing room and keep making music. It didn't make you feel any better, but it helped in getting your mind off your feelings.

It was such a strange emotion that it evoked, that everything would just follow a pattern of being both good and bad while you were stuck in that stagnant path of psychological darkness.

Sometimes with the darkness comes that whirring sound and the more you kept on hearing it, the louder it got. You wanted it to stop. It was more than just a a figure of the ear, it stabbed within you the cursed memories you wished to forget with every pitch of its season.

At that time, everyone was out. And you were out of your mind... Something had been calling your name and somehow your steps made it to a high point.

It was quite chilling, but something about it seemed comforting. It taunted with a grant of pleasure and silence that if you just took one leap, it would be over and everything would be silent. The shadows kept on driving your feet. You were so close to the edge. All you needed to do was... fall.

Then you realized where you were. You got scared and you quickly stepped away from the edge.

You took in heavy breaths as though they depicted your life. You couldn't believe how close you were to just throw it all away.

The door behind you then opened.

"There you are!" That voice was quite familiar to you, but you didn't know why exactly he was looking for you.

"Beomgyu, what are you doing here?" You uttered in the softest tone as if it was something so private. You looked confused and pale. You were like an empty shell, your eyes with so much emotion, yet your face was stagnant and frail.

The moment his eyes caught glimpse of yours, there were no questions needed. He just knew. He saw his reflection in the way your eyes fell.

He knew you. And so he tried to play it off like it was nothing. "We were looking for you because won an award! We wanted to take you out for dinner along with some of the other staff members." He explained.

"Oh... I might pa—" You were going to say.

"Usually, I wouldn't mind, but today, since you're a big part of this success, we would love it if you came." He said to you.

You thought that sounded quite nice. It was hard to say yes but you thought it was something you needed.

So you went with him. As you were going to a small restaurant close to the building, you were wiping up tears with every step. You felt like you could breathe even just those tiny gasping moments. For a second, you felt hope.

You stopped for a bit, taken aback by the sentiment. Beomgyu stopped in concern and looked at you worriedly. "Are you alright?" He uttered. His face held no lies and his voice was laced with nothing but concern. You looked at his eyes as he waited for you to answer and the glint of pureness that rested within them was almost so blinding to you. He was a good person, you could just tell from the way his eyes held you with concern.

"I'm not... but it's not so unbearable anymore." You replied. A lone tear had fallen from your eyes, but you quickly wiped it away and smiled.

"The others are waiting, let's go." You spoke. Then you walked away with your steps echoing in Beomgyu's ears.

"Thank you for being safe. I was really worried." He spoke softly, almost inaudible to anyone but himself.

The night went on as planned, and though a sense of emptiness lay permanently in your heart, something gave you hope... someone gave you hope.