The Alpha's Luna

Chapter 1

Angel's Perspective

"I already said no," I said into my cell phone, "I can't Friday night... No, I'm busy Saturday too." Jay had been inviting me over and over for weeks to go to a party with him. He was charming enough and typically I'd say yes, but he was looking for a serious relationship and I was definitely not ready for that."Look, I'm sorry, but I can't.... Alright... You do that... Okay, bye." I said, annoyed as I hung up the phone. Why was it so difficult for men to understand that I don't want to be in a relationship and I don't do boyfriends, it's too much for me. Sometimes it is comforting though to surround myself with guys because they are way less complex than girls and when I go on "dates" with different men I feel like I'm one step ahead. When I was young I learned that guys can get so distracted by a girl's appearance or by what they think a girl is feeling for them that they aren't always sharp. That understanding is how I am able to control most situations with men; well, that, and the fact that my wolf is disgusted by 75% of the men or wolves that I've ever affiliated myself with. I've never even touched a guy without my wolf cringing within me.

My wolf has continually reminded me how desperately she wants her mate since we were children. We don't know who he is, but we know that she thinks that she needs him. The werewolf world is practically designed for pairs. From a young age they teach us that there is a person out there specifically for you who will love you, protect you, and add value to your life. I had seen the ways it could go wrong though. I knew the potential consequences. So I always try to deny her of even talking about a mate and I think, maybe, part of me only spends time with so many other guys to get that attention that my wolf is lacking without my mate. However, it's starting to disgust her despite how much it comforts my anxieties to forget everything and just be with someone in the moment.

Suddenly I was reminded of my plans for the evening by a text on my phone. Can't wait to see you tonight, Angel, Ryan wrote. It was going to be an eventful evening... a college house party. Now house parties had never been my style necessarily, but they were easy excuses for meeting new people and gave me the ability to be social over drinks without having to really let anyone ask anything personal or try to really get to know me. I know it sounds guarded, but that's what works for me. Besides, guarded isn't such a bad thing. It's safe, it's easy, and simple, which is exactly the way I liked to live my life.

As I applied my makeup I thought about Ryan. I had gone out with him a few times. He was charming and affectionate. He holds doors for me and has been so polite so far, he even kissed me with respect and made me feel like a true human. I liked him alright, but my wolf wouldn't let me develop any sort of real feelings for him. As much as I kept thinking he would be someone my parents would've approved of with characteristics they had wished I'd find in a mate, this would likely end up being the last night that I went out with him, I certainly didn't want him to expect anything more between us than what we already had and the way he courted me, I feared that would happen soon.

When I finished my makeup, I paired a my favorite blue top with a pair of dark jeans and high  knee length black boots. When I was content with my clothes and my makeup, I went back into the bathroom to do my hair. I watched myself in the mirror trying to decide what exactly I was wanting to do here. I knew that I didn't want a relationship, not with Ryan, not with Jay, and not with any of the others either, but I was hurting. I know that living this way was keeping me safe but I was so sick of always trying to be the "fun girl" because honestly I was just tired of it all. Going out with different people in different places every weekend just seemed to be the only way to forget everything that got me to where I was now: alone. But I tried to forget about it as a ran a brush through my hair. Looking in the mirror I had to hold back tears realizing just how much I do look like my mother. Brushing my long wavy blonde hair, I thought of all the mornings I'd watched her get ready before her vanity, and fighting tears I saw my blue eyes well and it reminded me of the pain in my own mother's eyes the last time I saw her.